Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
New to the forum. I had been seeing a psychotherapist as I considered myself 'highly sensitive' (as per the Elaine Aron definition). After a few sessions she told me she thought I had Aspergers, this was not an official diagnosis. I also volunteered for an EEG scan and the result showed markers for autism, again, not a diagnosis. Since then I have been looking at resources online to see ifI fit. The difficulty I have is knowing what is camouflaging and what is natural, and also, I am wary of seeking a label to excuse my behaviour.
My parents have told me that I am like my grandmother, neurotic and hormonally imbalanced, and that I need to learn not to take things seriously. I can see from their perspective and its what stops me from seeking a diagnosis, I don't know that I want official confirmation that there is nothing wrong and I should be able to cope. I do identify with the Tania Martial definition and Samantha Craft's, top 10 checklist, but (sorry) I can easily pick holes with some of these. the checklist https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/, lists some things(Sharing intimate details, feeling isolation, questioning social norms etc etc. ) I used to discuss with my father who told me that this(these 'traits') were normal (obviously not anorexia or going off with strangers) and what everyone experiences, he said that I shouldn't obsess about such things. Essentially, life is difficult for everyone and obsessing about these things does not help you. Coming from a working class family this does seem logical, you need to keep your head down and work hard to get by.
I've looked at youtube video's and seen some young women diagnosed with AS that I do identify with, but also, from my parents perspective, they can appear as self involved, immature, and selfish. I do feel ashamed of being seen like that.
Has anyone come from this background and struggled with accepting their traits or diagnosis? Have you been called 'highly strung' or emotionally immature? What is your relationship like with your family after diagnosis?
I feel that a diagnosis (if it is confirmed) to explain my behavior will be seen as an excuse for not making an effort with people and being lazy. Sorry, this is a ramble, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experience.
I think it gets regarded as 'emotional immaturity' because it differs so much from the way neurotypicals understand 'emotional maturity.'
For years, I thought I was emotionally immature. Now, I firmly believe that my emotions developed in a different way - the same as my perceptions and responses have led me to a view of the world which doesn't seem to tally with that of the majority of people I meet.
It doesn't mean I'm wrong. It means that they simply don't understand. Because, being in the majority, they don't need to.
I consider myself very enotionally immature. Even though I prefer Martian Tom's view, I really am and don't seem to catch up either. I was actually told by teachers and friends that I am 'childish'. I was also very much aware during primary and secondary school and university that I am at least 10 years behind on everyone else.
I used to laugh at stupid things during important meetings, things that I found hilarious and other people never understood. I was also told to freeze my face ('please!') in meetings if some hot-shoimportant person said something I thought was utterly stupid. Apparently it showed straight away. I think my boss was very polite for not calling me childish. Though he did say I reacted quite primarily
I also look years younger than my actual age, and don't seem to catch up.
Blank said:I was also very much aware during primary and secondary school and university that I am at least 10 years behind on everyone else.
Yes. These are the precise words I've said all through my life. I cotton on to music, fashions, etc., at least 10 years after they've passed. I became a punk in the late '80s. I got into The Smiths in the late '90s. And people can't believe it when I say I'm 60 next year, because I've maintained a young face and a young outlook. And I still seem 'young' emotionally.
I know how you feel. M&S have a habit of changing perfectly good clothes into inferior versions despite them being best sellers. I bought some of their joggers this year and the material is not as soft and they are lower waisted. My work clothes are now joggers, wellies and a fleece. I will struggle when I end up back in an office .....