Autism/Asperger self-enquiry

Hi, My name is Joshua and I’m 24 years of age.

I’m not enteirly sure how or where to start but there is something at the back of my mind that is suggesting to me that is may have Autism/Aspergers.

From as early as I can remember (probably around the age of 5-6 years) I have always been a little “weird”. I’ve never had many friends and the ones that I do have now are only virtual who I play with in video games.

I have been in foster care since roughly the age of 7 and came out of care at 16. I haven’t ever had a proper functioning relationship with my birth family even though I do keep in contact with them over the Internet.

During primary school I did reasonably well. I was over-achieving in areas like reading and was reading books/words meant for kids a few years above my class. I did have a couple of friends during primary school but I wouldn’t want to go out of my way to join in or make new friends. I would join in if asked but pursuing a friend or joining in a game just wasn’t me.

During secondary school it was kind of the same story. There would be be like one subject I would super-excel or do reasonably better in than anything else which was ICT (computer skills) and Science. I wasn’t A* or anything but I did much better in those subjects than anything else because I think I was interested in them more. I tend to find that if I’m not interested in something I either give it up or don’t bother at all. When I find something I do like doing I tend to do it over excessively to the point it would appear to be an obsession and that’s where I tend to do well.

Secondary school was more difficult with regards to socialising because it was more intense. Even the friends I did have I would only really play with them there. When I was at home I never wanted to go out and play. I would often find myself causing trouble at home just to get myself grounded so I didn’t have to go outside and play. Friends would sometimes knock and the door but I would often make an excuse.

My relationships with the teachers at secondary school was pretty bad. I’d abscond from lessons a lot and cause arguments with teachers over silly things. The reason for absconding from lessons or not turning up at all was because I couldn’t bare turning up late and then feeling anxious and as though all the attention was on me when I walked in the class last. I do remember this one class lesson when I was around 13-14 years old. Before the teacher arrived I hid in one of the cupboards for most of the 50mins lesson. Obviously I was in trouble but at the time and even now I think it was funny.

The last 2 years of secondary school was a complete nightmare. I was heavily bullied for my sexuality and preferring to spend break times ect on my own. I still don’t see what was wrong with enjoying my own company and wondering around on my own. I suppose doing this made me more of a target for them or something but I’m not sure. Relationships with teachers basement even more strained over these last 2 years. I wouldn’t want anything to do with anyone at all and I didn’t feel I had any trust in the teachers.

I left secondary school and went to live with my uncle, who has Asperger’s syndrome. (This is where and why all these questions are popping up. I see a lot of similarities between us but also differences.)

We both like fishing and I would fish on the canal quite a lot with my uncle. We do most things together, I still live with him. He is the only person I feel completely comfortable talking to. With anyone else I just find it so draining and I just can’t find the words to keep a conversation going. People attempt to start conversation but it doesn’t last very long. I can’t find the words or thing of anything to say in response. Social interactions are probably the scariest and things that gets me most anxious. 

I did a couple of years at college. This was about the same situation. I didn’t have any friends and I would pretty much always be on my own apart from lesson/class time. At lunch or break time I would usually go into town on my own unless someone asked me to come with them on the odd occasion. Relationships with the teachers at college was a little better. I didn’t cause much hassle or abscond but I would avoid as much social interaction as possible.

Obsessions:

As I stated before, if I am interested in something it appears to become an obsession.

*The first thing was a Japanese clothing brand which I continually wore and purchase for a couple of years.

*The second thing was a video game called “skylanders”. This video game was the first “Toy to life” genre. You would have to purchase the toys (start at £9.99 for one) from in-store/online and then you place them on something called a portal of power which then brings the toy to life within the video game which is a awesome thing. I have most of the toys for this video game franchise over a few years. They are all stacked neatly on a shelf in my bedroom, all 250 - 300 of them. I even have a few rare ones that I am proud of, they’re still in boxes and never to be opened.

*The third thing was chickens and ducks. I only had a couple to start with but over the last year I have breeded them and I now how 15 birds altogether ha ha. I had to know everything about them and spent lot of money for there house ect. The duckling egg I was given this summer didn’t have a mother so for a couple of months since it hatched it was in a cardboard box next to my bed.

*The thing that has been a constant interest throughout my life has been video games. I have always had them wether it be a handheld games machine or a console. For the past 10 years I have spent almost every day in my bedroom playing video games. I would say I spend  12+ hours a day on gaming. I do become agitated if this routine is somewhat altered. If my uncle does want to do something with me I prefer it to be something that is planned the day before. I’m not too good with being spontaneous.

Something else is that I have a couple of items of clothing that I like to wear constantly. I always wear socks and if possible I always wear the same pair of shorts inside the house. I don’t know what it is about the shorts but I just love to wear them even if they’re dirty.

  • Anyway, I am now 24 years old and I think I might need to go to the doctors to try to oush for a diagnosis. I am afraid that they’ll think I’m silly but surely someone who plays videgames for 12+ hours a day can’t be the average human being. Also concerning social interactions, It can’t be normal for someone who is 24 years old to be anxious just because someone is talking to them. How long can I go on within being able to hold a conversation with any but my uncle. If anyone who has autism or is a professional could you please contact me with an insight to what I’ve written. :)

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  • Hi there I can relate to a lot of what you have said even though I am female and 58! 

    One of the first things I did before referring myself for assessment was to complete free AQ and EQ questionnaires online. They can't tell you if you are definitely autistic but they do give a broad indication. 

    Many of the things you describe could be associated with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I only got my official diagnosis on Friday, so it's early days for me. 

    I am being more relaxed about things at the moment and doing what feels like it is most helpful and calming. Your interest in chickens and ducks is fascinating. It must have been really exciting hatching your very own duckling. 

    I don't play video games these days having got very addicted to Lemmings decades ago. Maybe I will start again now. I do find some games very visually appealing and I really like problem solving. 

    I was very anxious at your age and continued to be throughout my life. It is definitely worth exploring the reasons for your anxiety as living with it takes a lot of energy and sucks some of the joy out of life. 

    Very best wishes to you as you continue to explore this. 

  • Hi, thank you for replying so soon!

    I am going to explore this a little further for a couple of months and then see if there could be a possibility that I could sit somewhere on the autism spectrum and go to the doctors. I just want to have a good idea by researching into it further because I’d be worried that I’d be wasting their time or looking silly for even thinking it. I just don’t wont to arrive much later in life and be much worse than I am with people. I know if I was on the spectrum it wouldn’t fix the issue but at least I would have an answer as to why I am anxious around people and can’t hold a conversations together. 

    From what I have looked up so far I can relate to a lot of various behaviour patterns ect that people with autism have like obsessions and intellectual in certain areas purely just because they’re interested in it.

    The video games I play aren’t violent. I play a bit of every genre and can appreciate the visual beauty of a lot of games out there. Yes, raising a duckling in the house for a couple of months was interesting to say the least. We have a pond so she’s be all happy outside now and enjoying the freedom ha ha. I also have a pet snake called Xavier. (I really enjoy the company of animals, they’re the best kind of beings ha ha) 

    regrading AQ & EQ, do you have any links for a website that you could post. I haven’t been able to find any automated ones that you don’t have to add up the score/points yourself. 

    Thank you! 

  • Hello again Joshua - you might find this link interesting as it discusses different types of tests and results:

    http://www.lifeonthespectrum.net/blog/?page_id=1188

    Xavier is an excellent name for a snake! I reared a baby hedgehog once then released it into the garden - that was a really interesting experience! 

    One thing to consider when you go to the doctor is that they may not be as well-informed about autism as you are. I mentioned that I thought ai was autistic a couple of times but this idea always got rejected. Take your test results like Henpecked did and some examples from infancy or early childhood where you showed autistic traits.

    You can also mention things you are experiencing now to your doctor e.g. anxiety when having a conversation and the amount of time you spend playing video games. If you do not appear to be having any issues it may be more difficult to convince them. 

    Good luck with this. Do let us know how you get on. If you have any questions just ask - people here are very friendly and helpful.

  • I scored 43. I don't have Asperger's but the classic Autism kind of thing.

    I'd just go do an assessment. That way you stop wondering and get an answer.

  • Hi NAS49890, I took the AQ test and scored 33. I do think you have reason to visit your doctor. Even if he or she is not all that clued up on autism. I think, however, that any good GP would have some knowledge of it. He or she should refer you to the mental health team. If you take that step and are diagnosed as autistic, this will be of great help if you are applying for benefits. 

    I suffered a lot from anxiety in the past and to the point I was self harming. My doctor is aware of this and suspected autism and refered me to the mental health team in Brighton. I gave the psychtherapist my life story and to cut the long story short, she diagnosed me as having autistic spectrum disorder. She was absolutely wonderful and put me at ease. It felt like I had known her for a lifetime. 

  • For me finding that I had so much in common with autistic people on this forum was an even stronger indicator than the autism tests.

    I would see how you feel as time passes. Quite a few people here are undiagnosed or self-diagnosed. I felt I needed a diagnosis, but that is not true for everyone. 

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  • For me finding that I had so much in common with autistic people on this forum was an even stronger indicator than the autism tests.

    I would see how you feel as time passes. Quite a few people here are undiagnosed or self-diagnosed. I felt I needed a diagnosis, but that is not true for everyone. 

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