To diagnose or not diagnose? That is the question

I didn't seek a diagnosis as an adult. But in the early 90's I accidentally found out in my medical notes it was thought I was prepsychotic. I did suspect something like that, as I know these things were seen as craziness rather than anything organic. This was because of not cooperating at school, big tantrums at home, obsessions with letters and numbers and regressing at 18 months, losing a lot of speech, though that picked up again.  I always sensed something unpleasant was being kept from me and that my doctors and teachers were not being really honest with me. 

I certainly never wanted that sense of stigma again and of being observed but in any case, there was nothing written about what happened when children deemed with such lovely labels grew up. In the 90's they were just waking up to it but when the issue re-emerged later after another family member was getting scrutinised for autism, it really did bring up very painful feelings. Too many wounds reopened and if true, here was a label that is not just some kind of childhood illness, but life long!!!!! And I also felt the attitude of family towards me was changing.

The thing is, I graduated in 1981, when there were 500 graduates to one job. At uni I got o to a deep depression after it became clear it was still difficult to make friends, alongside a few other existential angst after too much navel gazing on all things esoteric. I had a lot of flak for not making eye contact, for example. 

I had been bullied all through school, on a placement in Italy I got rejection for having supposedly a cold Nordic temperament and encountered new hostility. Then it was kneejerk  hostility for being unemployed, but this time I got very rebellious and was living a very 'alternative' lifestyle. In the 90's I had high hopes of being fully self employed, but that died a death after the recession of 91-2. The A word just seemed to confirm all my worst fears about myself. 

I did not want to be workfare fodder either and be forced into anything against my will so Ieft the UK. I wanted to know for myself without a doubt I was capable of being completely independent. And after 20 years of what has not always been a match of heaven in the word of work, the A word means a lot less now. I have a reasonable niche within the big bad world, though lord knows what could be round the corner in these evil days of rampant popularism, possible recession, Trump, Putin etc.al.

Actually American intelligence has been said to view Putin as an aspie, though I doubt it. Interesting idea though.

I didn't seek a diagnosis as an adult. But in the early 90's I accidentally found out in my medical notes it was thought I was prepsychotic. I did suspect something like that, as I know these things were seen as craziness rather than anything organic. This was because of not cooperating at school, big tantrums at home, obsessions with letters and numbers and regressing at 18 months, losing a lot of speech, though that picked up again.  I always sensed something unpleasant was being kept from me and that my doctors and teachers were not being really honest with me. 

I certainly never wanted that sense of stigma again and of being observed but in any case, there was nothing written about what happened when children deemed with such lovely labels grew up. In the 90's they were just waking up to it but when the issue re-emerged later after another family member was getting scrutinised for autism, it really did bring up very painful feelings. Too many wounds reopened and if true, here was a label that is not just some kind of childhood illness, but life long!!!!! And I also felt the attitude of family towards me was changing.

The thing is, I graduated in 1981, when there were 500 graduates to one job. At uni I got o to a deep depression after it became clear it was still difficult to make friends, alongside a few other existential angst after too much navel gazing on all things esoteric. I had a lot of flak for not making eye contact, for example. 

I had been bullied all through school, on a placement in Italy I got rejection for having supposedly a cold Nordic temperament and encountered new hostility. Then it was kneejerk  hostility for being unemployed, but this time I got very rebellious and was living a very 'alternative' lifestyle. In the 90's I had high hopes of being fully self employed, but that died a death after the recession of 91-2. The A word just seemed to confirm all my worst fears about myself. 

I did not want to be workfare fodder either and be forced into anything against my will so Ieft the UK. I wanted to know for myself without a doubt I was capable of being completely independent. And after 20 years of what has not always been a match of heaven in the word of work, the A word means a lot less now. I have a reasonable niche within the big bad world, though lord knows what could be round the corner in these evil days of rampant popularism, possible recession, Trump, Putin etc.al.

Actually American intelligence has been said to view Putin as an aspie, though I doubt it. Interesting idea though.

Good on you for doing what you did and moving to another country. I think having a reasonable niche in the big bad world isn't too much to ask for. Many people are not content with their lives ant nothing is perfect. We just have to fit in where we can, do what we can and make the most of it.

How do you feel your ASC fits in with being a non-native in the country you are living in? I teach English to foreign people in the UK. Some of my friends are from other countries. I feel that I fit in with them as quite a lot of the time for me, communication is a cognitive rather than intuitive thing. I think this is how my students feel about speaking English as a second language.