I’ve been having a bit of a bad couple of weeks after the initial relief at getting an ASD diagnosis. I’ve been angry, frustrated and doing a whole lot of the why me thing I think as it sunk in that this is real, it isn’t going away, and the things that I really struggle with are always going to be a struggle. Especially I have had very little idea what to do about explaining to my linemanager what support I really do need. I told him about the diagnosis - he seemed rather weirded out by the whole thing. I can understand that but it really hasn’t helped!
I’ve been doing the whole ‘I should be able to do this’, ‘at the end of the day I have to do the job don’t I’ everybody struggles, why should I get special help’,’what will they think of me...’ blah blah blah bit. Guess at the end of the day I don’t like admitting that I can’t actually manage stuff. I guess that’s what comes of trying to pretend you can for so many years until you actually have a breakdown!
So I finally seem to be coming out of it a bit. I think I’ve realised that I do need to accept it. It is what it is. And I think I’m starting to, though I guess it may be a work in progress for a while yet given it’s one month diagnosed versus 43 years not! What is the point of struggling if small adjustments might make life a lot easier. It’s probably a win win situation really if I don’t end up taking time off due to utter exhaustion and burnout again...
i really, really do not like admitting I need help though. Nyuuurgh!
im told it’s normal to go through this phase before properly accepting an ASD diagnosis. I hope that’s right! The point of getting a diagnosis was to try to make things better but I guess that can’t happen without quite a lot or readjustment and effort on my part. I’ll get there.... I hope!
