Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anybody else find that they struggle to manage their autistic traits far more at this time of year than normal? I've been really struggling lately, to the point where I questioned whether I could carry on with my job in its current form.
Part of it I think is the change of clocks, which, due to my completely ridiculous commute, now means that I leave in the dark and get home in the dark. I don't see daylight Monday to Friday as a result, because I work in London and the number of people is terrifying so I never, ever go outside at lunchtime. I know this isn't good for me because I do suffer from SAD so this just makes me depressed.
Thinking about it logically, I can see that I have had serious problems at this time for the last few years. In fact it was one of these periods that left me seriously questioning my mental state and that ultimately led to me figuring out what was going on and getting my AS diagnosis. But this time of year I have had anxiety go through the roof, walked out of jobs, had meltdowns .... too many things to be a coincidence.
Does anyone else find that this is a bad time generally?
I understand what you mean but I don't suffer from SAD. The clock changing does affect me. It takes over a week for me to get used to the new times. I was usually waking up around 8:30. After the clocks went back an hour I started waking up at 7:30.
My meltdowns & depressions are not dependent on the seasons or weather. Many years ago I was travelling by bus through a rough area in glorious hot sunny weather and I was in a state of panic. But about ten years later I was travelling through the same area on the same bus route in February in dreadful sleet and wind. And I was relaxed and feeling OK.
hmm maybe it's just me then, or the SAD aggravating the ASD, or the depression from the SAD making it that much harder to cope with the anxiety ..... I wish I knew, but there does seem to be a correlation as the last 4 years I have had major problems at this time of the year, just feel like I am going off the rails really.
SAD is definitely an issue, most noticeable when I worked in Scandinavia for a while (think light at 10am dark at 3pm). I would get home from work and just sit on the sofa crying every night for a month at the start of winter. My flat mate used to give me a hug, bless him. It would get better eventually, but getting over/through that first month was the tough bit.