Hi, I was diagnosed almost a year ago & have told a few people about my diagnosis - with mixed results. I was wondering what other people's experiences were before I decide to tell any more people, especially at work. I'd love to here what happened when other people talked about their diagnosis - good or bad. Thanks
Diagnosed in March 2018. Still haven't told colleagues, apart from managers and HR who need to know due to the process of requesting adjustment (largely a waste of time but that's another story). I am still very worried about telling people, but they need to know, because I think some of them assume I'm lazy / antisocial / all the usual blah blah, when none of those things are true and I wear myself out probably doing half the work of some colleagues, but do the best within my capability (as much as I can process; when my brain is overloaded , its overloaded and I need to recover or I'm no use to anyone with my jumbled scattered brain. Sorry I digress; my biggest fear is that I suspect some colleagues will have a cynical attitude; you know.. 'fashionable diagnosis bandwagon'.. very upsetting when you've struggled / winged it / masked / barely coped with the expectations of 'normal' all your life. Some I think will not be surprised. Its not just the fear of how they'll react, its also that quite a few people just don't really understand what its like and how hard it is. I really shouldn't be worrying so much about it; this is who and what I am; not like I've done something wrong or have anything to be ashamed of.. and certainly not as if I'm 'swinging the lead' ; the opposite is true, life and work is exhausting.
"Life and work is exhausting" is such a good description of being autistic. I am only just beginning to understand the huge demands of wearing the mask and winging. Now that I am learning about autism from autistic people I'm realising how stressful everyday events can be.
I used to be mystified by colleagues who could go out socialising after a day at work, or not become stressed if someone called at their home unannounced. I've spent such a long time thinking I was lazy, disorganised, unsociable, oversensitive - basically just inferior to all my colleagues and relatives.
Perhaps one of the hardest things of all is to be misunderstood. I'm going to think carefully about sharing my diagnosis at work, if and when I get one. My Union rep has suggested I would be obliged to tell my managers if I am autistic. It would be helpful to know how other people have handled this.
Think it's the latter - trying to fit into the NT world means anticipating, planning, rehearsing, performing, self-monitoring, analysing and reviewing every interaction. No wonder it's exhausting! Past experience tells us we're probably not safe, so we're often in hyper-vigilant mode. But however hard we try we always seem to get things very slightly wrong.
A colleague in a new role might say something 'friendly' like: "I'm going to sit you down over a cup of coffee and find out all about you." Instead of an invitation to a pleasant social interaction this feels like a formal interrogation. "We're all going for a drink after work, do you want to come?" has a similar effect - I quickly calculate the personal cost of accepting and the social consequences of declining.
It's easy to feel isolated and deviant when you hear colleagues having hilarious conversations with each other about non work related stuff. Trying to join in with this is extremely difficult and probably futile. If there are other task-focused people in the team you may find someone to connect with in an authentic way. If not it can be a very lonely existence.
Employment in a more neurodiverse environment is definitely less stressful from my experience. Working from home and/or having access to quiet, private workspaces should be standard adjustments for all autistic people who need these. Such a long way to go...
Think it's the latter - trying to fit into the NT world means anticipating, planning, rehearsing, performing, self-monitoring, analysing and reviewing every interaction. No wonder it's exhausting! Past experience tells us we're probably not safe, so we're often in hyper-vigilant mode. But however hard we try we always seem to get things very slightly wrong.
A colleague in a new role might say something 'friendly' like: "I'm going to sit you down over a cup of coffee and find out all about you." Instead of an invitation to a pleasant social interaction this feels like a formal interrogation. "We're all going for a drink after work, do you want to come?" has a similar effect - I quickly calculate the personal cost of accepting and the social consequences of declining.
It's easy to feel isolated and deviant when you hear colleagues having hilarious conversations with each other about non work related stuff. Trying to join in with this is extremely difficult and probably futile. If there are other task-focused people in the team you may find someone to connect with in an authentic way. If not it can be a very lonely existence.
Employment in a more neurodiverse environment is definitely less stressful from my experience. Working from home and/or having access to quiet, private workspaces should be standard adjustments for all autistic people who need these. Such a long way to go...
