My 79 y.o. mother is autistic with high I.Q. but has severe sensory and social issues. It has always been very difficult to determine how best to deal with this, but I want to ask for help from the community for any tips. She visits twice a year and I want her to be comfortable.
Restaurants are a special problem as she must always change tables if air is blowing on her. 9 times out of ten she will feel some sort of air coming from somewhere. This poses issues with waitstaff who have set seating charts to go by. If her coffee isn't the right temperature she sends it back with unkind words. By this time I'm trying to mollify the situation with the server, who is nearily in tears and complaining to the manager to switch tables, etc.
Point-of-sale registers are another issue. She will hold up the line for several minutes questioning the cashier about proper change back, lays out the coins on the counter, proceeds to count each coin, then continues to argue. I try and mollify this situation as well, tell her it is the correct change (I check it) and people are waiting. She throws a fit, says she doesn't care how many people are waiting and proceeds to question the cashier.
Other symptoms are classic. She has a special affinity & knowledge of History from the beginning of time, an obsession with routes, milage, zip codes and addresses. She must set the trip-o-meter on her car before each errand so she knows how far something is.
Also, she has very, very few friends. I believe I'm the only one who speaks to her (via phone) up to 10 times a day. I realize all of her rituals bring sense for her in what she sees as a very chaotic world.
To this end, I have to admit I lose my patience with her quite often and must walk away from situations because I don't know how to deal with all of these rituals and quirks, and situations where she makes servers and cashiers go mad. She has other problems, such as very low self esteem and severe anxiety. Noises set her off.
My goal here is to ask for help from people with autism to tell me what actions from other people, family, and friends bring comfort and order to them . And I certainly do not want to offend autistic individuals on this forum. I just want what's best for my Mom; she has always been there for me, even though it's been a chaotic life for everyone involved.
Thank you so much for reading.