Strong sensory memories from childhood

I never thought I remembered very much about early childhood but as I read the many comments from others on here I get sudden flash backs I didn’t know where there,

In secondary school the wooden flooring we were made to sit on during assembly, always dusty and quite cold wood, and the smell of kids a mixture of bubble gum and freshly laundered clothing,

the sound of creaking wood as our whole school buildings were old fashioned wood, imagine a very massive shed complex, The stairwell was narrow all wood and took three landings to go from ground level to second top level, every thing creaked and in summer smelt strongly of creasote, The small cupboard under the stairwell was used to store water colour blocks of paint which was a chalky smell again very strong, one part of the building that was narrow and had hundreds of coat hangers lead to the outside, it had a join between it and the main complex which had a big bumped ramp around about three foot width, we would run and launch ourselves off from it, then the shout “DONT RUN” from a Male teacher, the sound of many feet was very loud, all the teachers wore jackets with elbow patches, smelt musty and everyone of them were very old and strict and grumpy, it had four big wooden steps quite narrow taking you to the ground outside.

The caretaker smelt of fuel as in heating oil his light brown jacket thin and very dirty hung on him like he lived in it, 

The large loud Scottish female teacher with horn rimmed glasses would talk orders, she smelt of dry dusty chalk or talcum, she would take the few catholic kids during assembly as we were all c of e, she did country dancing and sang loud but terrible.

In infants the smell of very bright red gloss paint used on washing up bottles to make post boxes for diaramas for Christmas, then the cotton wool snow, PVA glue smelt strong, again old buildings but brichpk, very long single story, metal framed windows with layers of paint that also crept into the panes of small square glass.

Amazed at all these memories as I have an atrocious memory, I thought I only had bad memories, flash backs of all the nasty times I was bullied or ridiculed at school by teachers  mostly.

some suddenly made sense as I tried to remember my early years after finding autism, they suddenly had meaning, often so painful I cried hysterically, 

I was being punished for trying, also thinking I was being kind or loving but that wasn’t seen, it was seen as me messing things up once again.

good post,,, still getting sudden memories as I type. 

Seems senses are very strong memory joggers, as well as the recollections from others in here.

Oh my goodness your account is amazing and prompted lots of other memories for me too... the white 'marzipan' paste glue I loved to smell,  the pickle stink of photography chemicals in the dark room, squishy sweet mulberries in the school grounds when I escaped the classroom (maybe that's why I planted a mulberry tree last year!). Sensory intensity has given me an incredible amount of pleasure as well as pain.

Having the sudden memories is such a strange concept for me, I really lack good memory recall or control, my working memory is fatally flawed and always has been, so trying to store anything and it just doesn’t work,

 I have reasoned my dyslexic traits are the reason behind it.

When trying to think back to being very young I invariably just have Maybe eight set memories, school based, each not nice, only after accepting autism and going through the ups and downs of believing I actually had autism did I try to look back and see if anything rang bells, oh yes, just about every memory was so obviously to do with autism, I did have a few doubts as I don’t exactly match the pre conceived stereo typical Male!

The memories weren’t any different, but suddenly realising how I was perceived back then and subsequently treated badly really hurt, to think I had always just wondered why I was being punished? To realise I was in fact trying so hard to be kind and living, it was seen as me causing trouble and being disruptive, 

It was only When  realising after doing many online tests that I suddenly thought  I was aspie Male, that hit me hard as at that early stage of ignorance I had only read unkind things about him, I had thought just autistic,

it was the kind understanding women on here, mostly one who told me to go and read the research paper she had sent me long ago, 

I did read it all the way through, it was all about female traits and masking and the fact that empathy and over whelming emotions were attributed to females not necessarily males. 

I had wondered why I have always connected and felt totally at ease when talking with women, 

The last paragraph of it went on to say that recent research found that although Male and female traits were indeed very specific in one or two ways, there had been cases of total reversal , meaning the female Male brain could be switched, so total aspie Male but having female emotions, nothing what so ever to do with sexuality or sexual preference.

Who knows, all I know is that each of us are wonderful people made up of a mixture of hard wired brains but so very much unique because of the life we lead, there are very many different ingredients to add, dyslexia, ADHD, ADD, dyspraxia, sensitivity issues, touch, smell, taste, .the list is huge.

we are lovely individuals who all have so very much to contribute to society if only Society wasn’t so insular in setting up barriers or ideals to live up to.

 After all none  of us mean any harm to anyone, probably the opposite being more the case,

still getting flash backs now, aluminium water jugs, brightly coloured, cold and very heavy to pour with, that lead to the small thick walled glasses which had strong orange squash or black current, the smell was intense, my nostrils suffered. 

Anyway,,,enough of me, I apologise if anything I said generalises any of the complex things we know exist, I am just me and I mean no harm to anyone.

 I just bumble along trying to keep my head down.

Thank you so much for your lovely message. Like you I have often been wrong when assuming someone's gender. It's great that it matters so little in this community.

In the world outside I started off feeling like a nice person and seemed to be getting that feedback from other people too. I was very shy and unassuming when young.

As I got older I took on roles where I had to become more assertive. My communication style meant I sometimes struggled to do this in a nice way. I generally got on better when I worked with men. It seemed to be OK to be direct. 

Since joining this community I have felt so much better about myself. Whenever there's a problem with an interpersonal transaction I tend to blame myself. The more I understand  ASD the easier it is to be kind to myself. 

The established members of this community, like you, are so good at making people feel welcome. 

I rarely associate gender to any new members, unless it is obvious by chosen name, say Jane or Jim, 

I interacted for months with one member, I assumed they were Male, not until they broadcast they were in fact female did I find out, didn’t change anything, but came as a suprise to me, it happens quite often here,

 I tend to follow many of the female specific traits, I am overly sensitive with emotions, often cannot bear to see suffering if others, I also see a great deal in someone when they offer support, it really effects me to see someone do there absolute best to try and help, 

off to re read the link, yes I have read many but always grateful for the offer as reading them again just helps me remember parts easier, 

take care and can I say since your arrival you have created some very good threads, and you are a warm and accepting person, people warm to you, because your just very nice, take care now ()

I rarely associate gender to any new members, unless it is obvious by chosen name, say Jane or Jim, 

I interacted for months with one member, I assumed they were Male, not until they broadcast they were in fact female did I find out, didn’t change anything, but came as a suprise to me, it happens quite often here,

 I tend to follow many of the female specific traits, I am overly sensitive with emotions, often cannot bear to see suffering if others, I also see a great deal in someone when they offer support, it really effects me to see someone do there absolute best to try and help, 

off to re read the link, yes I have read many but always grateful for the offer as reading them again just helps me remember parts easier, 

take care and can I say since your arrival you have created some very good threads, and you are a warm and accepting person, people warm to you, because your just very nice, take care now ()

Thank you so much for your lovely message. Like you I have often been wrong when assuming someone's gender. It's great that it matters so little in this community.

In the world outside I started off feeling like a nice person and seemed to be getting that feedback from other people too. I was very shy and unassuming when young.

As I got older I took on roles where I had to become more assertive. My communication style meant I sometimes struggled to do this in a nice way. I generally got on better when I worked with men. It seemed to be OK to be direct. 

Since joining this community I have felt so much better about myself. Whenever there's a problem with an interpersonal transaction I tend to blame myself. The more I understand  ASD the easier it is to be kind to myself. 

The established members of this community, like you, are so good at making people feel welcome.