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Support for my mum

NAS9620

im 35, divorced with two children. One with ADHD, Autism with demand avoidance. When I divorced I moved back with my parents for support (5yrs ago). During diagnosis of my son my mum has been with me to all appointments. During this time she has realised she is just the same as my son. How we never realised before surprises me, as now it’s soooo obvious she is autistic. I think that she has lost the ability to mask as she has aged, and with living with the very high level of stress caused by my son. We are breaking point. She needs help, I think she’s depressed, everyday it’s tiptoeing around both her and my son to see who will explode first. My parents marriage is not in a good place, my mum only sees what we do wrong, and my children are so challenging. 

I don’t really know the point of this pos, I guess I just want any advice if people have it, any support for adults in their 60’s, or to just feel like I’m not alone. I cannot move out for a lot of reasons, so please don’t just say to move! 

Thanks

Parents

  • Dear NAS9620

    I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. I am a doctor and work with children on the autism spectrum and ADHD. In my clinics it is a common occurance to hear parents identifying themselves or grandparents as having similar traits. My advise for your mum would be to see her GP in the first instance to discuss her/your concerns. That is , if your mum is open to this. You will be surprised at the level of awareness and support for adult ADHD/ASD . Even if your mum is not looking for a diagnosis your GP might be able to signpost her to relevant local support groups.

    You must be in a difficult position between your child and parent. You need to look after your own mental and physical health too.

    Increasingly adults are being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Sometimes getting a diagnosis helps a person understand why they behave in a certain way and why some mundane things can be so challenging and stressful. That itself may help deescalate challenging situations. 

    I hope you find this useful. 

    Kind regards

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