This is my experience, and I'm writing it at a time when I don't feel good, but I just felt like I needed to say this, and I needed to say it where people might understand. I haven't posted or commented on this forum for over three years, for which I'm very sorry.
This is being an Aspergirl:
1) it's not being diagnosed until you're 20 (and that's comparatively young I think) because everyone looks for the traits of Asperger's that are recognisable in boys, and no one thinks that a girl might be struggling just as much, even if in a slightly different way. No one sees how hard we have to work every day of our lives to seem 'normal'.
2) It's being excluded and bullied to some extent at every school, childminder, club, or university you go to.
3) It's loneliness
4) It's the toll of all that becoming an eating disorder when you are 13, that still plagues you at 24. It's being hospitalised for long periods where people don't understand your meltdowns, and simply don't understand you...at least at first (I have met some really good mental health workers in my time).
5) It's being asked by a nurse: 'why do you have anorexia, were you abused?', replying 'never', and not being believed -- because, surely, surely, there must be a terrible trauma in your life to want to punish yourself every day. It's the guilt you feel when you know that there is no tangible reason for your difficulties, and then the realisation that yes, there is a trauma. Your trauma is that you have lived your whole life not easily understanding or being understood by the world around you; and it's the terrible strain of trying to navigate a world that bewilders you.
6) It's being naive. It's suffering sensory overload.
7) It's being told in class your whole life that you talk too much, interrupt, are too intense.
8) It's trying to explain, after you make a blunder, through the uncontrollable tears, that you never mean any harm.
9) It is not a lack of empathy. It's aching after everyone you know and don't know, constantly. It's like George Eliot wrote: 'if we had a keen vision and feeling for all human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow, or the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of that roar that lies on the other side of silence.' (may not be a perfectly remembered quote)
10) It's constant, constant anxiety. And quite often, exhaustion and sadness.
11) It's feeling you are faulty, bad and wrong.
This is a very negative list, but I'm feeling bad right now. I do have amazing parents and, over the last few years, some truly brilliant and unusual friends. I'm lucky to have always been loved by my dedicated and patient family.
I know how you feel, I feel like this all the time. I have brilliant parents who are my best friends. And if you read my post in the introduce you forum then you will understand my struggle with friendship. I was diagnosed at the age of 22 after I kept feeling terrible about myself (resulting in sucial thoughts) and my parents were looking for answers. When we got the news that I am Autistic I was so relieved. However, it’s been a year and I still haven’t had any help or support on what to do next.
I get really depressed seeing people doing things I would like to do. For example, a job, friendship, relationship, marriage, kids, a house etc. I try my best to perk myself up with reading books, waching tv, playing Sims etc which does help the majority of the the time but sometimes it doesn’t so I know how your feel. If you ever want to talk I am here x
Hi Amy, I'm so sorry to hear this. I really hope that this forum helps a bit...just seeing that you're not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. I agree that there is a woeful lack of support post diagnosis. It's like you get given a huge piece of news and then told to deal with it on your own. I am very glad you too have lovely parents though. I guess the hope we can both hold is that we are still fairly young...there is a whole life ahead of us. Particularly with things like marriage and children, it's quite unusual for someone to have met their life partner at our age...there is plenty of time. Thank you for being so kind, you truly are a very sweet and thoughtful person who deserves love and friendship and happiness. I hope you can love yourself too, corny as it sounds. xx
Hi Lydia, this forum has been great to me. I never thought about joining a forum but now enjoy it as I know I am not the only one who feels the same way. I wish that there was more support for adults after getting a diagnosis, I know that they are trying to do this and I hope it happens. Me and my parents have no clue on what else to do. I have signed up on the forum, signed up for E-befriending, signed up for group outings with people my own age, I get the autism magazine and just recently I have enrolled on a free course on OpenLearn that is organised by The Open University on a course called Understanding Autism since I’m not getting any help.
I too find it strange how people can find someone and settle down so young. I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but sometimes I feel my life is just getting wasted away.
You are welcome, it is always nice to speak to someone who feels the same way. You too are a very sweet and thoughtful person who also deserves love, friendship and happiness . To others it may sound corny but it isn’t to me, I have a hoodie that was designed by an actor named Jared Padalecki who battles with depression and on the hoodie it’s says love yourself first. And it is my favourite hoodie that I will always keep and use xx
I'm so glad you are being so proactive in trying to make friends. Never give up on trying to find like-minded people. That shows actually how very resilient you are!
You're definitely not wasting your life. This is just a short period in your life and I feel sure you will eventually achieve lots of the things you want. It's just about finding a way that works for you.
What a great hoodie :-). I have tried to accept your friend request but I can't actually work out how to reply to your message. I'm so bad with technology haha! Thank you so much for sending it, that was lovely of you. I'm here for you if you️ need someone to talk to about worries, books, cats (I read you had one, I have two) or many other things. Thank you so much. Xxx
Thank you I just would like to be able to enjoy life like everyone else. Even if it means just having a couple of friends, I would be happy with that.
Yeah, I understand. I am trying really hard to achieve things by looking through this website, looking through forums, typing things in google just see if there is anything I can do.
It is an amazing hoodie and my favourite I love it so much! I am so happy to have gotten it when I did.
haha! When you have signed in and your at the beginning of the forums, go to the top of the page and in the top right there will be three lines in a column. Click on that and it will drop down, you’ll see a lightening streak for your notifications, a speech bubble for your messages, a bookmark for things you have saved and then a circle with your profile picture in it. If you click on the speech bubble, that will tak you too your messages
Hope this screenshot helps and your welcome, I would love to talk about many things with you and yes I have one cat named Fluffy xx
You absolutely can achieve that. I have no doubt, just keep being friendly and kind as you are. I think it's also true that people get more accepting of difference as they get older. Now you're in your twenties and not your teens, you might find people are kinder. I hope so.
Thank you for this! I'll try it now xxx :-)
Awe thank you, I have experienced in my life though that even though I am kind and friendly I still get treated badly
I don’t know about that lol I Come across people who are horrible or just liars and just use me. But I have met a couple of people who are friendly.
And your welcome I thought a screenshot maybe a lot easier to explain then me trying to type out to explain lol xx
I know what you mean. It can be hard to know who is trustworthy. Sometimes I think it turns out to be the people you least expect to get on with who end up being really good friends. But I know what you mean, and I feel I've experienced it too, though I do think I've found some lovely people too. But when I was at school, I also used to hide in the library every break time because I didn't really feel welcome in common rooms etc. People are really complicated too, and one person can often do mean and kind things both at different times. It can be so hard to judge where to put your trust. I'm so sorry :-(. I just really hope you know that they are the ones wuth the problem, not you. Xx
Thank you, it is hard to know who is trustworthy. I have always had trouble with friendships so I am hoping to either find friends on here that maybe one day I could meet up with and be able to enjolife. Or find some groups or something to find friends . Thank you, my parents always say it’s their loss not yours xx