Published on 12, July, 2020
I had the following problems as a child:
I now have the following problems as an adult:
Prior to my recent diagnosis I attributed my frustrations / behavioural issues to my home environment and the bullying I suffered as when I'd left home [which I did at 17 because I just couldn't bare it any more) I found that I wasn't frustrated or angry any more, until over time I've become frustrated with people generally and think that most are selfish and manipulative.Now that I have been diagnosed things make more sense, I actually think that my mum is also on the spectrum but communicating that to her would be impossible as she'd most likely attribute it to demonic activity.It doesn't really change the way I feel about people but I at least understand myself a little better and place issues within the context of ASC.What are your experiences?
A very interesting question. I certainly had my own explanations for a lot of my autistic experiences before autism was suggested.
Is it self isolation, or societal rejection... or both..or neither..? The odd looking Lego brick that gets chucked back in the box or maybe we come across as threatening? Re you point about your dad and your university career.. I.e were not able to work you out,... but these people might! Shrugs shoulders... wanders off..
Different really needs a spin doctor...
differently rather than badly are terms that I’ll hold onto, if you don’t mind.
Yes, it opens up possibilities of abuse and manipulation...I really need to get out if that existential spin cycle :)
I think this changed a lot over the course of my life. In childhood, it was very much self-isolation; but mostly out of burning interest in my hobbies. Other people bored me and confused me, but I didn't feel that either I or they were doing anything wrong. My social awareness was so poor that even the bullying that I experienced at school, I just accepted as people behaving "differently" rather than "badly"; it wasn't until much later in life that I even realised that it was bullying at all. I suppose that I didn't feel rejected because I wasn't interested in joining in anyway.
I knew that I was "different", but it was only later, particularly in my teens and at University, that I realised how much my behaviour marked me for different treatment by other people, and that there could be malevolence in their rejection.