Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
So much like my flat!
There is so much stuff I am too embarrassed to have anyone round. I just had nearly a fortnight off work trying to get the place tidy, and most places I have not made an impression. but at least now you can see the floor in the kitchen, and the bath is no longer full of clothes.
Problem is it upsets me no end to throw stuff out. There is so much stuff that might be 'useful'. It's not that I object to giving stuff to others if they will find it useful, it is that I just cannot find it in me to throw things out that may have some use.
And my wife, unfortunately, is the same. She is a dressmaker of period costumes, and has far too much for the flat. It just cannot cope. That coupled with her making dresses for friends means that there is loads of bits of material about.
And then there are the clothes. I am beginning to get rid of those down the clothes bank. I don't know how many make use of seventies clothes with Harry Hill collars, but I have them! And Nylon underwear (at one time it was suggested that the human race was doomed due to Nylon underpants warming men''s bits and making them sterile). Well it didn't work on me!
Shoes in various states of repair I think I can dispose of, I have only one of several pairs of shoes - I remember once going down the shop at the bottom of my road with odd shoes on - and totally odd shoes not remotely resembling a pair - and I didn't even realise till I was in the shop!
You might be surprised about the 70s shirts - some people love anything vintage, even if it's really naff!
I can at least see space in my wardrobe now, and more importantly can see what is in it. There were many mornings spent frantically rifling through it, trying to find some stuff that vaguely matched, whilst panicking about having 3 mins to finish or I would miss my train ... My organisational skills are not the best, and I am pretty bad at putting outfits together. I have been told I look like I dressed in the dark more than once (amusingly sometimes because I did, and didn't know nothing matched until later ....)
All this makes me think about something robert123 posted a while back, about his mum having 20 pairs of immaculate unworn shoes in their boxes, yet wearing a pair every day that had been repaired 20 times. That is me! I have things that I think I keep "for best" but fear that really means I have stockpiled them and won't ever use them. Then I think I should get rid of some, but remind myself of the money they cost, and the fact that if I keep them, when my go-to pair finally gives up, I won't be forced to buy new ones.
Sometimes I think it would be a lot simpler if I had 3 outfits, 1 pair of shoes and one bag. re the not chucking anything that might be useful, I gave stuff to the charity shop, especially clothes that don't fit any more. I hope that someone who is struggling a bit for money (been there, know how that is) might be able to have something nice, and of course the charity will benefit. It helps that I feel I am not "wasting" stuff that way.
I reckon many of us have a love/hate relationship with our stuff. The lovely feel of security, having a spare one when your favourite item is worn out, not having to change/find a new favourite ..... on the other hand, the mountains of stuff, that overwhelmed feeling when you wonder whether you will ever get it under control, not wanting to get rid of serviceable items ....
I don't feel like I've made much of an impression on mine either, 'Spotter, but I bet in 2 weeks you cleared out more than you realise. It's just if there was a lot to start with, it might not be that obvious. Maybe we need a support group for people drowning in clutter :-)
I put a lot of rubbish out in bins - an awful lot. And probably a lot more.
I think there should be a 'posh' word for the hoarding condition, those of us who genuinely have a problem, rather than those to whom there is a purpose for their hoarding such as a collector of things (for example collecting things with cats such as ornaments, pencils, cups). Those of us who just hoard anything and everything because it 'might be useful' are the ones with a real problem. I know I have a serious problem with it but it does not make any difference.
Just a quick count of the DVDs comes to over a thousand - it would take a year I think to watch them all if I did nothing else. Yet they are there 'just in case I feel like watching them' (a lot of these belong to my wife, so it is a household problem!)
I know a while ago someone posted to say she was worried about her son not keeping things tidy. My advice was to only have a minimum amount of things such as crockery, (just have two or three plates, two or three knives forks and spoons, to force th washing up to be done, do not purchase a large shop but only enough to last a few days, and do the shopping twice a week. And then tidy up by sorting into categories initially, (throwing obvious rubbish such as old envelopes, food packaging, etc away). Then once sorted into these categories have a good hard look and see what can be disposed of to good causes.
Oh, if only I could follow my own advice!
If I could tidy up enough to be able to open the drawers it might be a help .....!