• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 86 subscribers
  • Views 8336 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Undiagnosed Husband, need help

Lucia22

My husband is 46 & although undiagnosed we both believe he has Aspergers. I want him to get a diagnosis but he doesn’t think there is any point because he doesn’t need any help or support but I do. I find it so hard. He can be so hurtful & I don’t know whether I am using his potential condition as an excuse or whether he really doesn’t care about me. 

He thinks most of the communication problems we have are down to my inability to understand, it’s me who is doing things wrong. He doesn’t really understand other people & doesn’t have  any friends so there is no one to bounce things off. He knows that there is more to communication than words but usually tries to guess what is being conveyed & often gets it wrong, reading more into things than there really is. This causes paranoia as he is convinced people don’t like him or are talking about him behind his back, criticising him. When they probably haven’t even given him any thought. This causes misunderstandings & falling out.  

He is always right & I am wrong. We argue constantly. His family life was v difficult so that doesn’t help as there is no support there & he puts a lot of his issues down to that. 

I am most upset today as he has gone abroad for 5 days & I just dropped him at the station. He shouted at me for not parking in the right place & just got out of the car, happy to go off without even saying goodbye. It was really the last straw for me. So hurtful & I am so sad that it has been left like this. We have 2 children who he adores although due to his intolerance they  complain that Daddy shouts at them a lot. 

He has a lot of the usual traits. 

Inability to read non verbal communication, self absorption, can’t tolerate certain noises, obsessive behaviour. 

I just really need some support but don’t know where to turn. 

Parents
  • Lucia22 said:
    . I want him to get a diagnosis but he doesn’t think there is any point because he doesn’t need any help or support but I do. I find it so hard.

    An adult diagnosis won’t give you or him support. There is little support out there, which is why I use the forum.

  • in reply to .

    I agree. A lot depends on the individual and his or her willingness to seek help.

    : the fact that your husband doesn't want a diagnosis (I also understand him) does NOT mean you can't seek help for yourself. You could always choose to see a psychologist or social worker. That would actually also make clear to your husband that you are struggling.

Reply
  • in reply to .

    I agree. A lot depends on the individual and his or her willingness to seek help.

    : the fact that your husband doesn't want a diagnosis (I also understand him) does NOT mean you can't seek help for yourself. You could always choose to see a psychologist or social worker. That would actually also make clear to your husband that you are struggling.

Children
  • in reply to Blank

    Do you know if I can do that through my GP? Last time I went I was reluctant to take medication & found it difficult to talk about so felt a bit dismissed. I feel that now I should go back and ask for help again. I feel so low that it is all affecting my mental health & trying to be strong is not helping. I feel that I am bearing the brunt of all his negativity and there is so much resentment on both sides now that it’s difficult to see a way back. I definitely think professional help would make a difference and would prefer to do it together but don’t think I will get my husband to see someone jointly. We went to Relate once but he didn’t want to go back. He said that there was no point, that I just needed to realise that I was being unreasonable & they would just tell me the same.