Musing about wanting a part-time life partner

Hello

Does anyone else's idea of an ideal life partner include it to be a part-time arrangement?  It's just occurred to me that this would probably a great outcome for me! Trust, loyalty and fidelity but only seeing each other half the week. Or is this yet another area where I'm a bit quirky?

I'm 4 months in to a new relationship that feels great the vast majority of the time.  But we're at the conversation point where my past 3 relationships had got to right before they failed... the dreaded "I want to see you more often" and "what do you think about us living together eventually" conversations.

Right now we see each other every weekend Saturday morning to late Sunday night, and one night after work/sleep over and leave early the next day.

The thought of spending more time together feels too suffocating. I mean, I need to do food shopping and see my other friends and frankly just have alone time at home... alone, or do whatever I want to do in the moment, or be happy doing stuff or just being, in silence.

The fact that it's the 3rd time this has happened (technically this one is still happening) in the last 2 years has caused me to question whether it will always be so.  Indeed I now realise that my previous 12 year marriage (to someone who frequently worked away and we had different hobbies), and long term relationships x2 (when I was a consultant and working away 4 days a week, i.e. had 3 evenings a week alone in a hotel) were in fact part-time life partners.  That hadn't occurred to me before but now seems blindingly obvious - the joy of hindsight.

Does anyone else think a part-time life-partner would suit them? Has anyone on here made that work? Pros/Cons?

all thoughts and musing very welcome, thank you.

Daisy

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  • Yes, if I were to go into a romantic relationship, I think that this is what I would be looking for, with someone else seeking that kind of relationship. I never have been able to picture myself co-habiting; my strange routines, cranky sleep patterns, sound sensitivity and need for solitude just make it unimaginable that I could tolerate it for any length of time. But, at the same time, I have never had any desire to be a butterfly flitting between casual relationships (as if I even had the ability to!), and would like a relationship with someone special.

    I have often wondered how many people go along the road of the usual cohabiting type of relationship just because they feel they're expected to. I have spoken to a couple of people who, like me, have terrible insomnia and are (unlike me) in a relationship who won't sleep alone, even when there is an available bed in the house, because they fear that it will be seen as wavering commitment to the relationship. It's hard to know how sleep deprivation might affect their relationships, but it certainly can't help; I know full well how it messes with rational thinking and leads to poor mood control. I'll bet there are plenty of relationships, especially in their early stages, where both partners would prefer a part-time arrangement, but each blindly assumes that the other wishes for cohabitation, and both are afraid to admit it for fear of the reaction.

    Not that I know anything much about successful relationships, mind you. I should probably leave thinking about this until I can manage remedial-level flirting! Laughing

  • Thank you Trogluddite :-) Nice to know I'm not alone.

    I agree with you on casual relationship they're a no-no for me too, nor a long-term friends with benefits if there's no emotional connection.  I like to give/get the solidarity of a life-partner but I need a bit more space than cohabiting offers.

    Also smiling at the remedial-level flirting. To steal from a well-worn meme... "My idea of flirting is standing next to someone I think is hot and hope they are braver than me!" :-)

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  • Thank you Trogluddite :-) Nice to know I'm not alone.

    I agree with you on casual relationship they're a no-no for me too, nor a long-term friends with benefits if there's no emotional connection.  I like to give/get the solidarity of a life-partner but I need a bit more space than cohabiting offers.

    Also smiling at the remedial-level flirting. To steal from a well-worn meme... "My idea of flirting is standing next to someone I think is hot and hope they are braver than me!" :-)

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