Is it just me?

Yes, what you're describing is a common autistic experience. People often seem to have the idea that if we're autistic, we should show the signs of it in a consistent way, but this is rarely the case. A lot depends on how much work our brain is having to do, stress levels, how much sleep we've had, and probably dozens of other factors.

A particular problem, and very common for people diagnosed late, is that we expend a lot of energy compensating for our autistic traits; maybe even achieving the same results as other people, but by a much more exhausting method (thinking a lot, instead of intuition.) But, because we have grown up doing this since infancy, we can often be unaware just how much we're doing it, and how tiring it can be. Fluctuations in our autistic traits aren't because the autism itself is changing at all, but because our ability to compensate varies a great deal depending on how much energy we have available to devote to it. The latest diagnostic guidelines specifically point out that autistic behaviours may not be noticeable until a person exceeds their ability to process the situation they find themself in.

Yes, what you're describing is a common autistic experience. People often seem to have the idea that if we're autistic, we should show the signs of it in a consistent way, but this is rarely the case. A lot depends on how much work our brain is having to do, stress levels, how much sleep we've had, and probably dozens of other factors.

A particular problem, and very common for people diagnosed late, is that we expend a lot of energy compensating for our autistic traits; maybe even achieving the same results as other people, but by a much more exhausting method (thinking a lot, instead of intuition.) But, because we have grown up doing this since infancy, we can often be unaware just how much we're doing it, and how tiring it can be. Fluctuations in our autistic traits aren't because the autism itself is changing at all, but because our ability to compensate varies a great deal depending on how much energy we have available to devote to it. The latest diagnostic guidelines specifically point out that autistic behaviours may not be noticeable until a person exceeds their ability to process the situation they find themself in.

Thank you both for your kind words; it's always nice to hear when a post hits the spot!

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wow! How did I get through today?”

Oh yes, I know that one very well - and its evil twin; "How do all those other people manage to do it so easily?".

Hi Trogluddite, just wanted to say thank you for saying it as it is , and making it all so easy to understand, 

i agree with what you say,,,I have bad days where I struggle just to keep my head above water, then in good days when stress levels are low I just get on with whatever I have to do.

however it is never easy, each day I get back and just as soon as I turn the engine off I slump,,,the silence and warm tingly feeling that descends down through my body is saying “ wow! How did I get through today?”,

 I then sit back for a moment feeling everything lift,,,I need that moment to say to myself, switch off,,you got through it.

When stress levels get out of my control I just buzz, I cannot switch off, I just keep buzzing until eventually I crash out, deep deep sleep...no warning I just lay still buzzing and suddenly I am gone.

so that’s my way of presenting,,,I have learnt to keep going, to deliver the goods, the cost to myself is never a conscious thought I have, I just switch on and go,,,,no stopping,,no thoughts of not achieving, sooo tiring,,,sooo exhausting, 

Thank you for putting it in a way in which myself and others can understand better.

take care and the same to ENG. good luck with your assessment.

It feels great and a relief that I am not alone so many good people on this forum and you have been very helpful thank you so much. 

I understand also that this is a spectrum meaning anyone of us could have varying difficulties some more than other etc.

I will be ringing my assesment clinic within the next week as I need reasurrances that I am still on the waiting list I cannot help but worry if they have sent out an appointment letter and it hasn't arrived and then I could potentially miss my appointment and end up back to square one.

I last rang them 3 months ago and they said there is usually a 12 month waiting list but it's almost 9 months now.