Never had friends

well I’m 31 and I don’t think I’ve ever had friends. Yesterday I was assessed and diagnosed with autism and aspergers and within the assessment it was pointed out I have a weird tone of voice ie tone vs context, my wife pointed out I can sound aggressive of which I was partially conscious about but unaware of how noticible it was. Also something I didn’t know was a lack of facial expressions resulting in a “blank face “ as the psychiatrist put it. Know I know y I struggled to make friends. But not sure how this knowledge will help me to make friends? 

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  • Hi Jason

    Welcome to the forum.

    I think there are always pros and cons with a diagnosis.  You'll find that it explains a lot about yourself which you may or may not know.  Some things will be easy to understand or accept while others may come as a surprise or, even, shock.

    And you've come away from your diagnosis with 2 areas - tone of voice and lack of facial expressions.  You're also fortunate with a partner who can help - perhaps you could spend time together seeing if you can adjust your voice so it is less aggressive sounding.

    I'm finding that acceptance of the condition (still waiting for assessment/diagnosis) allows me to learn about myself and look at how I can adjust to help act, react and interact with others.  I know that it won't necessarily mean that I will make friends but it has boosted my confidence so I'm better placed to face the world in stages.  I'm gradually becoming less reclusive and taking the first steps to get involved with activities locally - early days but starting with small steps.

    Have you seen or know if there is a local branch of the NAS?  It might provide a real-life forum where you could talk with others (that's been really valuable to me over the last few months).  If not, this forum has been equally valuable for raising things and getting feedback.

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