Published on 12, July, 2020
It is deeply upsetting for me not to be able to communicate with my family. Now that I am so aware of Aspergers and it being one of the reasons for me feeling like an outsider in my family, it upsets me more so, that I can’t ever really connect with the people I should be able to such as immediate family. Today I saw my brother for first time in a year, and (as it usually does) it hit me that I’ve never really been able to hold a proper conversation for long with him. The way I describe to my family is like in my home, there’s is me —— and there is them. I am in my own world to them, always have been desperate from them. From being very small it’s always been ‘can you snap out of that daydream I’m trying to talk to you’. The truth is I would very much like to do that now, maybe I don’t know how. I’m just so preoccupied in my head and can’t handle what’s actually going on around me. That’s the same with the rest of the world. It is deeply, deeply upsetting for me and I’ve been trying a lot recently to better this predicament that becomes more of a barrier as I get older. I have my first appointment with a voice coach this week.
What are you experienced and methods?
Ps. i have a terrible skin allergy outbreak at the moment that has been made worse from me constantly thinking about it. Ah.
Although I used to be close to my brother, geographically as well as emotionally, I have had difficulty remembering to phone him with any regularity for months, and the only way I can manage it is to schedule it on the calendar. Even that sometimes fails, but it helps. I think some of my mental resistance is due to feeling very stressed at the moment, and he's sort of last in line for my limited resources. I know it sounds mean, but right now I can't wait until I feel like it to call him, or it won't happen. (It isn't anything he's said or done, I'm just knackered.) Hopefully normal service will be resumed at some point. In the meantime, I'm having to fake it.
Doesn't sound mean. He may be aware of your troubles and if not he’ll more than likely be forgiving as your brother.