• Replies 20 replies
  • Subscribers 94 subscribers
  • Views 19600 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Avoiding looking at yourself in mirrors

Cassandro

Another thread asking 'is this an autistic thing?'

I've noticed I avoid catching sight of my reflection in bathroom cabinets, hallway mirrors and so on. It occurs to me that the sense is almost one of embarrassment, and may be similar to my problems connecting with other people and my general reluctance to make eye contact. When I'm in my inner world, is another human being too much even if it's myself?

I'm pretty sure it's not just worry about my appearance or ageing. I recall a big group at school when I was about 15 (at what might be PHSE nowadays), and a teacher asked for a show of hands by who had looked in the mirror that morning. They were teenagers. Of course they were concerned to look their best. I think I was the only one who hadn't, and didn't usually. I don't worry about appearance most of the time – I might look if in a fitting room, or glance in a car window if going to an event where I'm in front of people, and do have to shave occasionally but am still uncomfortable and don't look at my overall appearance. Almost literally scared of my own shadow.

There was some mention of this from a few people here: last month and a year ago. Kind of relate to 'a lot of other people with similar issues with mirrors'.

So here's the poll. Just a bit of fun, I hope.

Clarification after what Pirate Santa said: 'don't like eye contact' means either you probably don't keep eye contact as much as a typical person, or there are some circumstances, eg meetings with strangers, when you will usually be looking away, or inclined to look away, from people. There are times when I am interested in looking at someone, but it's far from my usual mode of being.

Parents

  • Funnily enough, I was talking about this exact same subject with my lodger last night after we had watched the excellent 2017 movie "Mad to be Normal", which starred David Tennant & concerned the work of R. D. Laing with schizophrenics in the 1960s & 70s. Definitely worth watching on Kodi, Terrarium or any other TV app of your choice.

    I generally avoid looking in mirrors because I don't really identify with my own image. Most days its OK when I'm brushing my teeth, but in general seeing my own image makes me feel quite uncomfortable because I don't feel like I have any real connection with it.

    It's quite common for people to say they dislike the sound of their own voice, mainly because it sounds different internally than externally on recordings, but I have always felt that way about my own image as well. Quite often I don't even recognise myself in photos unless I look more closely & then it usually makes me feel uncomfortable or even nauseous.

    Not sure why this is, but seeing photos of myself feels quite wrong in an almost Cthulhu-esque fashion where my brain seem to think it is looking at something that isn't quite real or shouldn't really exist.

    In my bedroom I have full length mirrors on a long built-in wardrobe next to my bed that came with the house. Despite them being so large, I can honestly say that I don't look into them at all & have become adept at pretending they arent even there.

    With regard to your quiz though, there possibly should have been another option as below

    "I'm autistic, I don't like mirrors & generally don't like eye contact either, apart from when I am trying to chat someone up or already in a relationship with them"

    For me at least, the reason I don't like eye contact is because it is too intrusive & personal. If being personal is the whole point though, I actually quite enjoy it because there is an immediate emotional connection.

Reply

  • Funnily enough, I was talking about this exact same subject with my lodger last night after we had watched the excellent 2017 movie "Mad to be Normal", which starred David Tennant & concerned the work of R. D. Laing with schizophrenics in the 1960s & 70s. Definitely worth watching on Kodi, Terrarium or any other TV app of your choice.

    I generally avoid looking in mirrors because I don't really identify with my own image. Most days its OK when I'm brushing my teeth, but in general seeing my own image makes me feel quite uncomfortable because I don't feel like I have any real connection with it.

    It's quite common for people to say they dislike the sound of their own voice, mainly because it sounds different internally than externally on recordings, but I have always felt that way about my own image as well. Quite often I don't even recognise myself in photos unless I look more closely & then it usually makes me feel uncomfortable or even nauseous.

    Not sure why this is, but seeing photos of myself feels quite wrong in an almost Cthulhu-esque fashion where my brain seem to think it is looking at something that isn't quite real or shouldn't really exist.

    In my bedroom I have full length mirrors on a long built-in wardrobe next to my bed that came with the house. Despite them being so large, I can honestly say that I don't look into them at all & have become adept at pretending they arent even there.

    With regard to your quiz though, there possibly should have been another option as below

    "I'm autistic, I don't like mirrors & generally don't like eye contact either, apart from when I am trying to chat someone up or already in a relationship with them"

    For me at least, the reason I don't like eye contact is because it is too intrusive & personal. If being personal is the whole point though, I actually quite enjoy it because there is an immediate emotional connection.

Children
  • in reply to Pirate Santa

    I'm not too bad with pictures of myself, though I know what you mean about not quite connecting with them. Video footage, on the other hand, I find very hard to deal with.

    As a kid, my problems with dodgy proprioception didn't seem that odd to me. I just thought I was one of those kids that wasn't talented at sport or gymnastics. The first time it really stood out to me was when I had to do formation marching in Boys Brigade. Something about my marching was not right, and the instructor (a nice chap) tried his best to help me with it. But no matter how hard he tried to describe what I needed to change, I just couldn't understand him. He'd get other lads to demonstrate to me, and, in my own mind, I would be copying them precisely; yet to onlookers, I was just doing my normal, incorrect thing or something which looked like a comical parody of marching.

    Likewise with manual dexterity tasks. I can't be shown how to do them by demonstration. I can be dexterous if I learn by trial and error and form a "muscle memory" (I type OK and play musical instruments), but watching someone else's hands doing it just doesn't click - my brain is just screaming; "but those are your hands, and I'll have to do it with my hands. How's that supposed to work?"

    When I see myself in video footage, the added creepy factor is that I can finally see just how different my movements, gait and posture are compared to the image of them that I have in my head. I grew up in a world where video cameras were very rare, but these days it's just normal that someone could whip out their phone and video any trivial social occasion. It's relatively recently that I've got to see this external view of myself, and I have to say, it has really shocked me at times just how inaccurate my self-image is, and has been for decades.