Coping mechanism in time and space

Hi all

It only occurred to me 10 minutes ago to look for a forum online and speak to a like minded person instead of trying to explain my feelings again to someone who just thinks I'm crazy.  So. Excellent idea. Except does anyone get a bit obsessed with this and checking what other people are obsessed and over thinking about? I think I might!

Im 37. Married. Have only a couple of friends. Diagnosed with asbergers in 2015 after years of not knowing why I couldn't express how I felt in a way that was considered acceptable. My mother thinks I'm using my diagnosis as an excuse for my "poor behaviour" which is upsetting on many levels. I always try to model good behaviour! Anyway. I digress.

I got a new job a year ago and the last few months I've been getting more stressed for a number if reasons. I work in a big place (11,000) staff on site. It's busy. Noisy. Bright. I have an hour drive to get there down busy motorway. I get home and want to block all of life out - I've been managing myself with a lot of wine over the last few years. Ive asjed hubby for time and space in but he  thinks I'm rejecting him. But I'm just needing more time alone. Shut in.

There are gaps above as I could go on for ever. But. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do to get space/time alone if I can't be alone in my house for fear of him feeling rejected and it causing  an argument? Where do other people go? What do they do? I think I should pay for a hotel once a fortnight. But that's still "out". Just not sure how to try and decompress. Not a fan of mindfulness or meditation. 

Advice appreciated! 

Parents
  • Sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. Just some random thoughts, but how much break time do you get at work? Is there somewhere you can go, if only for a few minutes, to be alone? (It's not very glamorous but toilet cubicles are better than nothing.) And would it be possible to stop off somewhere on the way home, say, to relax and unwind for a while instead of going straight back? Even if you just treat yourself to a coffee and a sit down.

    If you find nature calming, maybe you could go for walks, or take up gardening as a hobby, for example. It depends what you find enjoyable. You need to make time for yourself.

    Longer breaks would require a bit more planning and cooperation, but don't give up asking. My husband fortunately doesn't mind me going to the seaside for a day or two every few months without him, but he also appreciates time alone, and has the same arrangement in return. Maybe there's some mutual arrangement that you could come to with your own husband, which would make him feel that he's also benefitting.

    Best wishes.

Reply
  • Sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. Just some random thoughts, but how much break time do you get at work? Is there somewhere you can go, if only for a few minutes, to be alone? (It's not very glamorous but toilet cubicles are better than nothing.) And would it be possible to stop off somewhere on the way home, say, to relax and unwind for a while instead of going straight back? Even if you just treat yourself to a coffee and a sit down.

    If you find nature calming, maybe you could go for walks, or take up gardening as a hobby, for example. It depends what you find enjoyable. You need to make time for yourself.

    Longer breaks would require a bit more planning and cooperation, but don't give up asking. My husband fortunately doesn't mind me going to the seaside for a day or two every few months without him, but he also appreciates time alone, and has the same arrangement in return. Maybe there's some mutual arrangement that you could come to with your own husband, which would make him feel that he's also benefitting.

    Best wishes.

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