Anxiety about diagnosis appointment!

Hi everyone,

My name is Moggiecat and I am a 27 year old woman and postgraduate student. It's really nice to have found out about this forum.

I have an appointment with the diagnostic team next Monday and am driving myself mad waiting for it. If anyone has any words of reassurance or guidance, please let them be known!

I had my initial appointment with the service in November 2017. I had years and years (since very early childhood) of knowing something was different about me, accessing plenty of mental-health related services, trying antidepressants, being diagnosed with various physical and mental conditions, and then at some point, something 'clicked' and I felt things started to make sense.

The diagnostic service I am using is known for requiring parental input, but I have been wilfully estranged from my parents since 2012 as they were abusive in my childhood and harassed me as an adult. Despite explaining in advance of my appointment that I didn't want parental involvement in the diagnostic process, I felt somewhat coerced to supply my parents' addresses. In the culture my parents come from (one Middle Eastern and one North African), I am not sure how prevalent awareness is about autism in the community, and even apart from this, I don't know how well placed they were to notice anything 'different' about me as a child. I was an only child, and when my parents were not busy fighting each other, they were ignoring my health problems and telling me they were attributable to being 'blessed' or otherwise spiritually endowed. I don't even know if they will have responded to the questionnaires.

I had a lengthy interview and spoke about many of my issues with the interviewer. I have since been told I am not epileptic which makes my overload symptoms, sensitivity to light and sound when I am out, and need to go home often as soon as I get to my destination, seem more relevant to this possible diagnosis so I have written them an update letter. 

I am so anxious that the service will not diagnose me, and I know this will have a crushing effect on my life and self-perception so I cannot stop myself obsessively reading and prepping before the appointment. Eep!