My autistic friend has a lot of issues that I accommodate out of friendship. Her main one is that she is often late. Because I know it is very hard for her to be on time, I will wait ages for her to turn up (often waiting around half an hour, sometimes more). This is tiring and frustrating for me, but I do this for her - that's friendship, right?
Yet she does not get that my autism gives me issues of my own.
I did not realise how lacking in understanding she could be, as she always struck me as an insightful girl with awareness of my OCD and anxiety.
What happened was: at a group I attend she arranged to travel to a town with me and another girl. I agreed without thinking it through (pressure of the moment, and sounded good on paper).
Later I realised that groups are very stressful for me (my autism means I cannot always remember how I feel about things and agree to things that I can't do!).
She had emailed me, but I had not responded straight away (slow processing speed - autism issue I can't help).
Then I replied telling her I'd rather go just with her as find groups hard. She replied to say she's already arranged with other girl as a group visit. I replied saying that I know this is hard, but maybe she could just go with said girl this time, me another time.
I got a rather combative email back saying I had ''ample time'' to tell her my preference and that in reducing my stress I had increased hers (owing to her ADHD difficulty in organising, and her preference for groups - I prefer one to one). I did not know how to respond, but eventually replied by telling her that I have issues with processing, delayed reactions, and that this is in the same way that she struggles to be on time (I did not say, but wanted to, that she increases my stress by being late and that she has ''should be on time''!! - note, I understand she can't be on time, I'm being facetious, but if she expects me to to be able to do the impossible, I could say the same of her).
Not sure if I can stay friends, as I found this very insensitive, yet I don't dislike her. She is usually very nice, but clearly we have different needs. Also, I don't like the way it's ''all about her''. I get she's autistic and this can be part of it (I struggle with empathy too), yet there was really no excuse for that email's tone.
Advice?
