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my world is falling apart

NAS38399

Hi - I'm completely new here, so please bear with me. I have been married for nearly 40 years, during which time I have suffered what feels like mental abuse from my husband. It's too long a story to go in to, but basically he is like a puppet with other people pulling the strings. He will do anything people tell him, no matter what the consequences for me or our marriage. He has no empathy what so ever for how I feel, and the only emotions he shows are anger and misery. I have suffered badly with depression and suicidal feelings, but he does nothing, not a kind word or trying to give me a nice day. He is now on Sertraline to try to control his temper, but until then would have tantrums like a toddler, with waving arms and legs. He doesn't do eye contact, doesn't get jokes, he makes statements rather than conversation, he can't, or won't organise anything, and takes everything literally. However important the conversation I try to have with him, he starts nodding off, or gets distracted, or sits looking away with arms folded and ears and jaw twitching. I have had to make him leave, as he once again broke an important promise, and my heart and mind can't take any more.  I feel that if I was sure that he couldn't help it, I could cope more, but I don't understand how he can care about hurting the people who manipulate him, but not care about my feelings.I care for my father who has Alzheimers, then come home to this.

. I suspected a few years ago he has some sort of autism, and he was referred to IAPT. I went with him on the first visit, as requested, and voiced my concerns, but that's as far as it went. I got him to do the online ASD test, and he scored 40 out of 50. He has again seen a doctor, but, from what I can gather from him, they are referring him to IAPT again. Sorry about the long post, I'm not really sure what I need. I just know how bad I feel, and that my marriage can't continue the way it is.

  • in reply to Emma

    Thank you Emma. Unfortunately I am my dads main carer, so I can't travel, or even get a job. My husband said he though it was just 'one of my things' whatever that is. He didn't call an ambulance or get me to hospital, because I said I wanted to die, so he was just doing as he was told............

  • Autistic or not, I must say your husband's behaviour is abusive and inexcusable.

    Good grief, just reading the overdose thing was like being physically struck. You must have an iron will to live to even still be here after that. You deserve far far better than this man and this state of affairs cannot continue. I think you know that already.

    I've been in a situation where I was being taken advantage of (though thank goodness not for 40 years) and I know how hard it was to cut those ties and get out after one year of it- I can't imagine how hard it would be after 40, but my instincts are that you need to. At least get some distance for now- perhaps do some travelling to somewhere you want to visit- and reclaim your independence while hopefully making him realise the consequences of his behaviour and do a bit of standing on his own two feet for a change.


    I cannot emphasise enough that that level of callousness and selfish disregard for your existence is by no means the typical behaviour of an autistic person. It's just repugnant.