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Communication issues becoming a problem

Starbuck

So I have started a new job after I had reached my limit of having to deal with sensory overload and bullying in my last workplace.

The environment is better overall, but still has a few issues, however the biggest issue I am facing is communicating properly with my boss.

I was honest and upfront about my ASD and sensory processing disorder so that everyone was on the same page from the start, but it seems my boss isn't comfortable or interested in talking about my diagnosis or how it impacts on me.  I get that he probably doesn't care at the end of the day and that's fine, but we are having clear communication issues that is becoming a problem to the point I keep misinterpreting things, being overloaded with information from regular brain dumps from my boss and others, not having clear direction as a result of no plans or clear instructions and generally feeling overwhelmed.

I'm starting to think that they think I am stupid or I blagged my way through the interview as I cannot perform at the level I am used to.  My boss also doesn't help as he isn't a good communicator in general, so it only adds to the issue.

I had to approach the subject of my ASD and SPD the other day due to other reasons and my boss became very uncomfortable.  I wasn't even getting into specifics, I was just making him aware of a situation that he needed to be informed of.  I am starting to think I have made a mistake by working for this company, but at the same time I want to make it work.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tackle a boss that doesn't want to know or understand about ASD?  Also, I am not sure if this is an ASD thing or just me being stubborn, but if I see a clear way of doing things, I become very frustrated when someone stands in my way or tries to alter it to a way which seems more convoluted and short-sighted.  I am having to deal with this on a daily basis at the moment, where rather than someone letting me get on with things and allowing me to suggest solutions, I am being told what to do and it doesn't make any logic or sense from my perspective.  To top it off, when I try to get them to explain, I only become more confused due to the apparent lack of logic involved.  Grrrr!

  • in reply to Starbuck

    Congratulations, you've (re-)discovered "compelled signalling"(!)

    [ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compelled_signalling]

    The basic idea is to ALWAYS close the loop on ANY communication, so that the person who sent the message has the opportunity to exclaim, "What? Wait, no, that's not what I meant..."

    • You can summarise your understanding in an email that can be referred to later.
    • You can pick up a pen and draw a diagram of the concept you've understood from what was said, along with a running commentary of what you understood
    • You could say something like, "OK, so, to clarify...", following on with your understanding, in your own words.

    There are of course other solutions that accomplish the same ends, waiting for you to find them.

    Good luck.

  • in reply to DragonCat16

    I tried this yesterday as I was so overwhelmed and confused by a conversation on the phone (auditory instructions are much more difficult to process than visual) that I sent an email in the evening just clarifying what I thought I understood from the call - low and behold I missed some bits because I just couldn't process everything in one go and there was no clear objectives.  I might continue with this for now and see how it goes.

  • in reply to Hathor

    I approached HR for some guidance on how to work with my boss and they have said it isn't easy for most people - great news for me then!

    Everyone else seems to have fumbled there way along and figured out how he works, whereas I am more direct and need to be told what to do, hence the challenge I am facing.

    I understand my rights in the workplace, however I doubt my employer does and if they are not very well educated on ASD, they might think that it appears that there is nothing wrong with me.  I will try and educate them if problems persist, I just don't want to make a big deal of things at this stage.

  • in reply to Yup, definitely Autistic!

    My boss definitely has problems with social communication and after doing a bit of digging I am starting to realise I am not the only one struggling, just everyone else doesn't say anything, is able to decipher what my boss means or doesn't care.

  • in reply to .

    Hi Ellie, just reread my post and it may have come across that I meant you are not getting the point.  That was not my intention at all and I hope I haven't made you feel bad as a result.  I meant that I feel like I am the only one in the company who isn't getting the point that everyone else seems to have grasped.

  • I can't give any advice for improving communications, since I have no idea how to do so, or I would have fared a lot better in my own employment. What I can advise is to communicate everything in writing, by email or whatever, or record the conversations with your boss. You don't want anyone to claim later that you never let anyone know about your disability or asked for reasonable adjustments/clear instructions.

  • I'm wondering whether you need to take this issue to your boss's boss, or maybe to Human Resources. By law the company has to make reasonable adjustments for you, and that includes from your line manager. You probably already know about this but the Equality and Human Rights Commission does advice on workplace requirements for both employers and individual employees. It could be worth taking a look and then requesting a meeting with the appropriate person.

    Good luck, I hope you can find solutions that work for you. I know you want to give of your best.

  • in reply to Yup, definitely Autistic!

    Ok. I see from your other post it's marketing tech products. 

    Another thought: Is it possible that your boss may also have some challenges with social communication and interaction? 

  • It sounds as though they perhaps have a 'traditional' (read: hierarchical/authoritarian) work culture and structure in which case instructions will be top down with little lateral opportunity for ideas sharing. 

    What type of industry do you work in and what is your skillset? 

  • in reply to .

    Thanks Ellie.  It's very hard not to beat yourself up when you have tried to help things, but it seems to be your the only one not getting it.

  • in reply to .

    P.s. - you’re not stupid 

  • Grrrr indeed

    You’re adjusting to a new role, the staff, their and your own expectations 

    we all know that each cycle in life causes wear. And tear as well as exhaustion 

    any boss needs to recognise your aspie self and make adjustment. You’ve been clear and it’s there duty to catch up

    x