I'm thinking very seriously about sterilisation to get the people who have been trying to turn me into a man off my back. I feel constantly terrified and vulnerable and angry that people have done and are doing this to me just because they don't want me to pass on my genes but I do understand their point. I've decided that whilst I WILL NEVER have the sex change people seem to have been pushing for, I could make myself permanently infertile so I'm still very much a woman but unable to have children. I've spoken about it to my DBT individual therapist but she doesn't want to know really, she says it's my 'perception' and won't take me seriously when I am the only one who has walked in my shoes and I know the truth. My psychiatrist dismissed it straight away - but it was HILARIOUS, she then immediately started on about the Asperger's and how it's causing this 'obsession' and how it's mostly a male thing, so that just immediately showed me that she's one of the people complicit in this as I suspected, because she never shuts up about the autism. I can't bear the sight of her, she makes me sick. My CPN didn't listen either. I got in touch with the psychologist I used to work with and she said she won't support it as I'm 21 and that's 'too young' - this has hurt more than anything as I love and trust her. I'm planning on seeing my GP as soon as possible to start the ball rolling and I'm doing everything I can - losing weight for the operation, researching and understanding the different options and what could happen - but I'm not sure he'll listen to me on my own as a 21-year-old woman with a psychiatric history. The fact is that I feel I need to be sterilised in order to save myself and my mental health.I'm willing to pay for anything that's needed, of course I am - I just feel I need someone backing me up with this! It's for my own mental health. Whenever I watch Loose Women, I feel like they're getting at me. Whenever I see a woman on Facebook talking about womanhood, I want to cry. It's so painful. I feel like this is the solution. I've been having thoughts about taking measures to damage my own womb if I can't get medically sterilised. Just feel desperate.
