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Not sure who i am any more

Song
over 6 years ago

Since I got my diagnosis a few weeks ago,, (aged 51 female for those that don't know me) I'm not sure who i am. I have struggled always, masked most of the time an had catastrophic mental health problems but also raised a family of 5 children got a degree and held a professional job for 20 years untill i became too ill.

I don't know how to be me. How to not mask, I can do all of nothing, mask or curl up in a ball. Stay in bed or up but I'm my nighty or go out and be that ever coping mother/ house wife etc. This is not working for me it messed with my head being the super masked woman, I need to not be her, but how do I be someone else that isn't just a fat blob in a bed rocking.

I'm NOT feeling suicidal at the moment, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of point to it all. 

How do I become me?

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    So is it not unreasonable of me to curl up and switch the world off?

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Song

    Absolutely not Song! You NEED that time, it's not something you're taking selfishly. ASD is, after all, a 'thing' - illness, condition, whatever anyone wants to name it (I'm scared to use an un-PC term here (!)) 

    If you'd just had ANY other diagnosis or if you'd been feeling the way you have for the last however long for ANY other reason, then no-one would question your need to take to bed to deal with it. Women are encouraged to take to bed after childbirth (although when they find the time is beyond me), everyone is with a flu, why would ASD be any different?  

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  • over 6 years ago in reply to Song

    Absolutely not Song! You NEED that time, it's not something you're taking selfishly. ASD is, after all, a 'thing' - illness, condition, whatever anyone wants to name it (I'm scared to use an un-PC term here (!)) 

    If you'd just had ANY other diagnosis or if you'd been feeling the way you have for the last however long for ANY other reason, then no-one would question your need to take to bed to deal with it. Women are encouraged to take to bed after childbirth (although when they find the time is beyond me), everyone is with a flu, why would ASD be any different?  

Children
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Endymion
    Endymion said:
    If you'd just had ANY other diagnosis or if you'd been feeling the way you have for the last however long for ANY other reason, then no-one would question your need to take to bed to deal with it.

    I agree completely. In fact I can liken this to when I received my MRI results confirming my ACL was torn. Now, bear in mind by that time I had been told by an MSK person and my chiropractor that my ACL was torn and I had figured it out for myself 3 months earlier, yet when it was undeniably confirmed it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was this wave of emotion that came over me from nowhere and I just wanted to be alone to come to terms with the implications of that diagnosis. I certainly didn’t want to have to start explaining it to others. With time this eased and I began to adjust, but it certainly took me a while.

    So in answer to your question Song, no it is not unreasonable of you at all. In fact, I would encourage you to just do what feels right to you at this moment in time. Give yourself time to adjust.