I want Dad again.

Hello, 

Thank you for reading this. I hope you can help.

Just for your information, I am a 16 year old Female who has recently been diagnosed with Autism. I am in year 11 and almost finished my GCSE exams (Last one is on Monday 18th June). I have left school but go in for exams. I hoped to go in for other things just so I could go in but they did not find me anything to do. I have found their is no-one in school with understanding of Autism and as I am about to leave anyway no-one cares. 

However, the problem is not directly related to Autism. On Wednesday they had the final TAC meeting (yayy!) in school. For every other one of these meetings I have had I have had to write a 'wish list'. Basicly its a list of anything I would like to be changed and then they are suposed to work together and work out who can make it happen. I have always found them hard to write and got frustrated because what I write does not happen.  

Since I have always had to write one and for the previous one they did not tell me about doing one till the day before I started to think about it from 2 weeks untill the meeting. I was not in school so they had no way of getting hold of me about it. So, I arived with the list and expected to be asked for it at some point.  But, I never was.

One of the things on the list was to do something fun with Dad in the summer hoilidays. Since early Feburary I have had no contact with my dad or any of his family after I spent too much time with him before that and I got really upset by him. He was the first person to get my Ausitm diagnosis. Over Christmass I was with him the whole time and it was really hard for me. He also thought it was amazing that when I asked him not to do something (ring a really loud bell) he did it more because it annoyed me then made fun of me when I was annoyed.  I stayed with him till the skiing hoiliday at the end of January then through school asked for change. Nothing happend and so I have refuced anything to do with him since. 

Dad is the only person who is able to do the fun things I enjoy with me (skiing, Kayaking, climbing...) I know he will be buisy over the summer working for the Olympics but I really want to do one of these activities with him. I do NOT want to stay overnight at his house though. I hoped writing it on the list would mean someone from school could contact him and arange it without me having to do any scary talking to him. Now that did not happen and I am too scared to talk to anyone about it or to contact Dad directly. 

What can I do? 

Parents
  • I am too scared to do any of that though. And all this talk about Farthers day today is really annoying me. Everywhere is about Farthers day. 

    Something I forgott to mention though. Dad Lives a long way away from where I live. (2 and a half hours drive away) So it is not as simple as 'just go out for an hour' because he as 5 hours of driving to do for that. That's why I always stayed over at least 2 days so he could rest between driving. 

    I am too scared to talk about it to anyway though. 
    No-one will know and so they will just say "If you do not tell us we can not help. We can not mind read you" Then they make everything turn into my fault. Everything is always my fault. However I know people rarely help anyway-often making me really anoyed and I wonder why I botherd talking to them. Talking is really scary for me and it  makes me upset before and afterwards. I only talk if things are desperate. No-one understands this though. 

    I will just have to accept I will not see him again now. Nothing will move forward. He obviously does not want me or he would have got in touch either directly or through school. I want him but he does not want me. 

Reply
  • I am too scared to do any of that though. And all this talk about Farthers day today is really annoying me. Everywhere is about Farthers day. 

    Something I forgott to mention though. Dad Lives a long way away from where I live. (2 and a half hours drive away) So it is not as simple as 'just go out for an hour' because he as 5 hours of driving to do for that. That's why I always stayed over at least 2 days so he could rest between driving. 

    I am too scared to talk about it to anyway though. 
    No-one will know and so they will just say "If you do not tell us we can not help. We can not mind read you" Then they make everything turn into my fault. Everything is always my fault. However I know people rarely help anyway-often making me really anoyed and I wonder why I botherd talking to them. Talking is really scary for me and it  makes me upset before and afterwards. I only talk if things are desperate. No-one understands this though. 

    I will just have to accept I will not see him again now. Nothing will move forward. He obviously does not want me or he would have got in touch either directly or through school. I want him but he does not want me. 

Children
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