Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I've deleted my text as I'm worried about the sensitivity of it. Please can you all delete the sections where you've taken quotes? Many thanks.
AstronutAlex said:Hi all, I've deleted my text as I'm worried about the sensitivity of it. Please can you all delete the sections where you've taken quotes? Many thanks.
You have here in the same language the female and male dialects of essentially saying the same thing,"Wow!" or "You look great!" When your hubby asked if you have been out, that was a hubby compliment to his wifey, and it helps in these situations for hubbies if you say (or whisper in his ear when your daughter is present) something along the lines of, "No my dear ~ this is entirely for you." One compliment begets another sort of thing.
Well, given the Aspergian male definition for most, and the Aspie female for most, changing the old routine can and actually does take some effort to change things either way, so making little agreed upon changes at a time, and getting used to them for a while, really really helps.
One suggestion, is perhaps learn to start courting/dating again, and keep on and on doing so as many people give up on it after a while once the relationship gets established, and then wonder thereafter where the sparkle and zing in the relationship went. Obviously it has not gone anywhere, and it is right there with you and your hubby ~ hence then the lack of post-cards :-)
Another thing that some couples find useful when men are not confident with women wishing they were, and vice versa, even though in many cases the desire is mutual ~ is using some form of indicator that you and he are open to do business, if you can forgive my analogy there.
One autistic couple for example had difficulties in that the wife was incredibly prone to being incredibly volatile, so she was told about the traffic light system, and got a traffic light system device (pretty much like a stopwatch) which is worn around the neck and has a red, amber and green indicator ~ so that people knew not to engage with her verbally when it was set on red, unless the risk of getting yelled and screamed etc really was worth it. The wife got one to start with to wear around her neck, and then another one for around her waste.
Another suggestion is to in part improve your self confidence about being you, and recognise the beauty of you that is not your body, but as shines through your body and all that you do. So work on and turn up your personal sparkle as it just as much an indicator as anything else really, and taking part in your own sparkle-up does let gentleman notice more to join in and open the doors for you or be in other ways more helpful.
Basically I think the old adage of what we most focus on gets the most development applies, and although I never tire of reminding people how truly lovely they are, most people get really exhausted or annoyed with forgetting how lovely they could be and actually are whilst pretending not to be.
Thank you so much. That's wonderful. A lovely insight.