I was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism/Aspergers just over 2 years ago at 22.
I have a good job but I really really struggle to cope with life.
The older I get the worse I feel like I'm getting/coping.
I'm intelligent in some ways but I have recently had executive dysfunction explained to me which I do think I have.
I have lots of sensory issues. Noises, smells and textures and certain visual issues too. I really want to go to sleep but my mum is on the phone which is really annoying I feel run down and wish she'd just shut up so I can sleep.
Does anyone else find it hard living in a NT world. I have no interest in trying to fit in I'm at a point in my life where I couldn't care less. I am like marmite some people love me and others cannot stand me. I feel grateful for the job I have but by the time I've done the commute to work I'm tired, it's hard work getting public transport. I'm sick of having to try so much harder than everyone else I'm in a constant state of anxiety and the past few weeks I've felt like quitting my job because I can't cope.
I want to just run away, I don't like the fact that I'm going to have to deal with being on the spectrum and the associated mental health issues for the rest of my life it's exhausting.
A friend sent me a list of autistic traits the other week and when I read it, it finally hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm always going to be this way and I've been very depressed since them. I'm not ashamed just deflated. It's hard dealing with all this by myself.
I've had mental health issues since I can remember and several attempts at taking antidepressants and I've had counselling about 7 times in the past 5 years. I don't want to be in the same cycle for the rest of my life.
I only leave the house for work. I used to go to the gym but I can't face it anymore it's too loud and overwhelming. I don't even see my dad anymore because I can't face the walk there and it is only a five/ten minute walk. I hate making phone calls. I also think I may have binge eating disorder (I know I do) but I can't face ringing the doctor let alone attending an appointment. I'm lucky and can work from home which I've done the past 2 days but I can't do that forever
No idea what the point of the post is, I'm sure there's lots of people with worse problems than me I just wish I had some support.
