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Huge faux pas in social situation. How do I fix it?

Moomin5

Hi, I was recently in a social situation where I was part of a group meet up with quite a few people that I don't know. I walked into a room and was going to compliment someone on the outfit that she was wearing. However, instead I ended up looking her up and down and staring at her boobs. I didn't mean to do this at all obviously and she noticed. It was awful and I feel really embarrassed about the whole thing. Neither of us mentioned it but I feel dreadful about making her feel uncomfortable. I could easily find her on Facebook to apologise but I just think that will make it even worse! Should I just leave it? I will see her again within a few months so really don't know what to do. Thanks for reading. 

  • in reply to oktanol

    Just an observation, but how do we know if the female concerned is neurotypical?

  • in reply to oktanol

    Thanks for the reply, it's been good just to write it down. Yes, I make a lot of social mistakes and tend to dwell on them for far too long. I won't message her, I think I'd just come across as creepy. 

  • in reply to Trainspotter

    I'm really not sure I can agree with that. This is not how people that have not the slightest bit of autism in them work. I don't think it's very likely that she'll understand or that it would help the next meeting.

    Maybe ask someone who isn't like us when it comes to things like this? If they agree that you should apologise then maybe, but if they say don't worry, there's no need, then better listen to this, even if you probably won't be able to stop worrying.

  • I would imagine that if you started trying to find her on Facepack it might make things worse as you would look like a stalker.

    I would write a letter in these circumstances, if I did anything at all, and give it to someone you trust who knows who she is and is able to hand it to her.

    In the letter, express your embarrassment, the circumstances of your perceived 'bad behaviour' and the fact you are autistic and apologise.  And leave it at that.  I wouldn't put my address on the letter as that in itself may seem to be as if you are wanting further contact.  Just say you are sorry for any embarrassment you caused, but that being autistic you are liable to social misunderstandings and awkwardness which you have no real control over and that it wasn't deliberate.

    I'm sure she will understand and it would ease any uneasiness and awkwardness on your next encounter.  I am sure many on this forum have got themselves in a similar situation where they don't know where to look at times.

  • Yep, think you would only make it worse. Guess it's quite possible that she has long forgotten about it. Also if she had made such a mistake she would quite possibly have forgotten about it. It's even possible that she didn't notice as much as you think - you may spend a lot more attention to your own social mistakes than other people who aren't used to making them do.

    Some people could probably apologise and they would always manage to say something to make things better, but if you are anything like me then no matter what you say it will make it worse... Even if she remembers she won't want to be reminded by you.