Published on 12, July, 2020
I've started a new thread because replies disappear in old/long threads.
Do we attract Narcissists, because we are gullible and vulnerable?
I was going to write a book about my distant cousin ( on my father's side), Miss B who is an extreme example of a sociopath/Narcissist. Here I will give a few examples of my experiences with her in no particular order.
She's not all bad, by being around her and observing her social skills in manipulating other people. I learnt a lot about dealing with people on a day to day basis.
I first met her when she was 16. when she came to our family for a holiday and her extreme traits were visible even then. Such as vindictiveness, never turn the other cheek, lateral thinking in getting your way or your own back ( even if it hurts the innocent), blatant lying, being positive to the point of living in a fantasy world. Greed for money.
In Feb 2005 she came for her fifth visit. At the time I was my mother's full time carer, my father had passed away a couple of years before. She wrote a letter to my mother informing her of her arrival. My mother wrote back twice asking her not to come. It was winter, weather was terrible, we both had flu's and colds, maybe wait till summer!
She came anyway, moved in with suitcases and refused to say why she came or how long she was intending to stay. Just laughed when we asked.
Soon she told us about how her family had persuaded her to take out a mortgage on a flat in a new complex being built. And since they were now part of the EU. Property prices were expected to rise rapidly and she needed £50,000 to pay of the mortgage. Every day she was talking about needing £50,000 to pay off her mortgage.
After two weeks the atmosphere in the house was getting worse and worse. All she talked about was the 50,000 she needed to pay off her mortgage. And accusing us in a temper of 'what kind of family are you!' who won't help!, Yelling at us that if my father was still alive, he would have given her the money by now, and she wouldn't even need to ask.
Shouting at my mother that all she does is sit on her backside all day watching television, getting a pension to live on and other people do everything for her!
We asked her to move out. She refused and told us that it was up to us to find her a job, find her somewhere to live. Pay her rent and all her expenses. Otherwise she won't go.
After a couple of months she left. She and a friend moved into a flat share with two others. She was very very positive on how wonderful life was, how wonderful the flat share was. How great and generous every one of her flat mates were. All, very very positive and over the top flattery!!!!!
A month later, around 10pm she turned up, dishevelled, eyes red. And asked me to pay her monthly rent. It turns out that her flat mates had spent days asking her for her share of the rent. And if she didn't pay up, then her suitcases would be out in the street in the morning
I reminded her how she had told me a month ago how the four of them had agreed to share the flat, the rent and expenses, splitting everything four ways.
She explained that, that she never made an agreement and that was a joke. When she made a verbal agreement to split the rent and bills. She was only joking. That her fellow flatmates were a bunch of nutters with no senses of humour, who couldn't take a joke. And she wouldn't pay a penny for living in that f-__#@ s@#£&hole.
To cut this story short I paid the next three months rent for her. To stop her moving back in with us.
She eventually did a runner from that flat owing several months rent and all bills unpaid. This was repeated several times.
She did move back in with us the following year and that stay was even worse.
Breaking now for breakfast.
Hi there,
I've posted a couple of times about a volatile situation that my brother has found himself in. Can anyone tell me if the following would suggest that his ex is a narcissist?
I'll try and explain this briefly...
10 years ago my brother and his now ex started a relationship. Within less than a year she sold her flat and she along with her daughter moved just down the road from where my brother lives. She told a friend (in not so many words) that she was going to have (my brother's) that house. 4-5 months later she became pregnant.
My brother (who was already having some doubts) asked her and her daughter to move in because with a baby expected it seemed the right and gentlemanly thing to do. She never paid any contribution to the house apart from some windows (of which they split the bill jointly). Over the course of 6 years she emotionally abused my brother, put downs, not allowing him to do things that he enjoyed such as the family food shopping, lied to him, manipulated him and their shared circle of friends, refused relationship counselling and told him she wanted him to move out (of his house!). More emotional abuse, more lies, accusations and my brother ended up sleeping on the sofa for 6 months or so. She was expecting him to partially fund her daughters further education. He said that he wouldn't but offered her daughter £1,000 at the start of each year to help out. He got on well with the daughter. That's a very brief summary of what happened. Finally she moved out but demanded £60,000 off of him which I can only assume that she felt he 'owed' her...which he didn't. He finally said he'd give her £20,000 just to get her to go away.
Eventually she moved out but left her belonging there for 2 years, which meant my brothers house was an absolute mess. The emotional abuse didn't stop there. She wrote a parental plan (that she added that my brother had co-authored) for him to sign. He didn't as what she was suggesting was unfair. Abusive emails and texts ensued on a very large scale. Manipulative behaviour involving and in front of my nephew at handovers, and quite frankly very bad behaviour. At one handover my brother had to say bye to his son through the letterbox.
To try and get a proper parental plan drawn up he suggested mediation, she refused on the basis that she couldn't afford it. He was so desperate he told her he would pay for her half. Mediation started, she was unco-operative, again told lies and in the end terminated mediation and sent a slightly (badly written) amended parental plan with a solicitors letter. Reading through her plan it just didn't make sense and left 'grey' areas that left openings for her to continue being abusive, manipulative etc. etc. My brother has consulted a solicitor and has sent her a new proposed parental plan. He is yet to hear back.
Why are people like this? She has lied to friends about my brother in a detrimental way, has threatened contacting child support about the fact she is owed more money from him (they both work but he gives her £200 a month to help make up for the difference in their salaries). He said he was happy for her to contact child support and has heard nothing from them. As it stands they share a 50/50 2 week rota with their son.
I could go on, and on, and on about the details but does this sound like narcissistic behaviour?
Ultimately I fear for my nephew. It seems inevitable that this will be going to court and is wholly unfair on him. My anxiety is 'through the roof' as to what might happen to him.
Thanks.