Nostalgia and obsession with the past

Sorry to open up a decade old thread. I'm not diagnosed myself but my two kids have recently been diagnosed. I'm mid 40s and the penny's only just dropped regarding autism. The kids are like a mirror.

Anyway. I've been talking about a similar thing to your post with people I know for over maybe 20 years. People tell me it's just normal rose tinted specs "things were better in my youth" stuff but I don't agree. It's an incredibly strong feeling and an immense sadness that these things are gone. I can surround myself with old, nostalgic objects and try to recreate what it was like but it's not the same, modernity has pervaded everything outside my control now and I almost detest dealing with it. The irony being that I've worked in IT for over 25 years and am forced to keep up with it as part of the job. Obviously, there is no way back. I'm just at a loss really as what to do about it.

Anyway, just felt compelled to comment on this as it came up in Google while I was searching for this very topic, and it really struck a chord. Obviously, I might not even be autistic but I think the chances of that, and my mother for that matter, being so are quite high knowing what I now know about the subject. I'm also at a bit of a loss as to what to do about it all. Anyway. Just wanted to say thanks for the post. Even if it's over a decade late  :)

It's nice other people feel the same way. I think some of it is about growing up and "adulting" but I think an awful lot is to do with "modern" progress and a world which is getting faster and louder which can often go against an autistic person's natural grain. As for the comments below regarding feeling young. I've tried to have this conversation with a few people who are not autistic. They said they feel young at heart but I feel there's something inherently different between our experiences of feeling young. Maybe more of a naiveté on my part.

Unknown said:

I've tried to have this conversation with a few people who are not autistic. They said they feel young at heart but I feel there's something inherently different between our experiences of feeling young. Maybe more of a naiveté on my part.

I agree.  However, for me, I think it is my general perception of "time" that seems different to many others that I speak with - just as much as my own probable naivety.  Moreover, I like to be an "expert" in everything I do and to know a lot about most things that interest me.  With the world "progressing" at its current rate, I feel like I'm not permitted enough time to play, learn and enjoy my current toys before a whole load of new stuff (increasingly inferior stuff) is then thrust in my face and I'm told I should now only want and play with that.

Thank you.  I do love to learn, and I wasn't aware of that.  I'll take a look.

Snowman.  You should know this.  I have never before encountered someone quite like you - and I am extremely pleased to make your acquaintance.  If I tried to extract "quotes" from your writing above to indicate its resonance with me then I would need to copy and paste the whole damn lot.  This has never happened to me before.  I am a little freaked out.....but in a good way....I think!

If you review my activity in these pages, you will note that I am a very private human and prefer to chat in the non-public "back room" of these pages on a one-to-one basis about anything that I feel is too private.

If you are comfortable to do so, I would be delighted for you to send me a private message = the rectangular box next to the lightening strike.  After the initial message from you, I am able to respond and then we can converse thereafter whenever.  I prefer this approach so that we don't need to appear as visible "friends" in our respective profiles.  I am unusually private, but for VERY mundane reasons - which others here can attest to.

There's a Dutch poem that talks about rearview lens, translated it goes something like:
'In oval mirrors we drive around, see ourselves in our own background.' I think it's Gerrit Achterberg.

No. I am completely new here. Like I say I had no idea about any of this until I had kids. They've both been diagnosed now and it's been a penny drop moment. I feel kind of stupid for not realising up to now.

I've been basically running in what I've been describing as "emulation mode" for decades, trying to operate in a mode that I don't naturally run in. When I was a kid I spent a *lot* of time on my own and could decompress. I also used to sleep a *lot*. I don't get this now and I feel pretty much confused, tired (mentally and physically) a lot of the time these days. It's made me think about a lot of how my life is and how it's been since I can remember, in a new light and I'm not really sure what I do with it, to be honest. Realised maybe that a lot of the problems aren't going to change because that's just how I am which perhaps means I should consider switching to accommodating things rather than fighting against them. Problems I thought I'd "fixed" are perhaps not fixed at all but I've just worked out how to "emulate" around them but this can be quite mentally draining.

I don't know if it's worth me pursuing a diagnosis myself. On one hand it seems like it wouldn't change much, but on the other hand it might be helpful to be able to say to people look, this is actually a real problem for me. I dunno. Feels like I've run into a dead end where I need to tell people, look this is me, these are my real limitations, this is why I act like this under certain situations. I don't want help, in fact I hate help. I'm not looking for excuses or special treatment or anything but a diagnosis might be a useful tool to say look, someone's confirmed this to be the case these are genuine problems.

To get back to this post though, I think the thing in that got me was that it's not just nostalgia, things in my life were obviously a lot less complicated, I had fewer responsibility and a stack more time for being able to pause etc, however, everyday life has also changed. It's unrecognisable to me now. Apps for everything, everyone with smartphones, everything connected in real time. barrage of information, "news", adverts, noise everywhere. I was fine with complication I was in charge of, in my world, things that I'd decided I wanted and had welcomed but this is something else. I know the pre-Internet, pre-computers everywhere normality and it was great for me :) Ironically, as someone who works in the computing field, I'd go back there tomorrow. I'd take the limitations of the tech back then, limitations are sometimes a good thing.

I got into reading about "minimalism" about 10 years or more ago (Zen Habits etc) as it sounded like it could be a way to be able to "clear the decks" and maybe go back to a more simple, less complicated state but I've never been able to do it. I've come to realise is that I have two massively contradicting mental states. One one hand I'm struggling with being visually overloaded and clutter is the enemy here, my office space is a disaster area, wires, bits of computers, tape decks, all sorts everywhere. My brain craves the clean empty spacious working area to be able to focus / flow and generally get on with stuff but on the flip side I find simplicity is also difficult to maintain when you've got interests that tend themselves to be complicated. All my "clutter" is stuff i want to keep, as everything has a purpose. People have compared it to almost like hoarding but I see it as very different as hoarding appears to be just keeping useless things however all of this stuff has a purpose and is / would be used given time availability - but like I say stuff everywhere, being cramped into spaces and not being able to see the wood for the trees really drives me mad with it all too.

So there you go, that turned into another bit of a ramble. Sorry.

Yes - well now I'm becoming a little paranoid !  All of what you write resonates very strongly.  You are either a dastardly effective bot or troll that has unravelled and exposed my inner self.......or......perhaps we were separated at birth?!   I note that you haven't been around for long on these pages - so "Welcome!" and it is good to make your acquaintance.

Yes - well now I'm becoming a little paranoid !  All of what you write resonates very strongly.  You are either a dastardly effective bot or troll that has unravelled and exposed my inner self.......or......perhaps we were separated at birth?!   I note that you haven't been around for long on these pages - so "Welcome!" and it is good to make your acquaintance.

Snowman.  You should know this.  I have never before encountered someone quite like you - and I am extremely pleased to make your acquaintance.  If I tried to extract "quotes" from your writing above to indicate its resonance with me then I would need to copy and paste the whole damn lot.  This has never happened to me before.  I am a little freaked out.....but in a good way....I think!

If you review my activity in these pages, you will note that I am a very private human and prefer to chat in the non-public "back room" of these pages on a one-to-one basis about anything that I feel is too private.

If you are comfortable to do so, I would be delighted for you to send me a private message = the rectangular box next to the lightening strike.  After the initial message from you, I am able to respond and then we can converse thereafter whenever.  I prefer this approach so that we don't need to appear as visible "friends" in our respective profiles.  I am unusually private, but for VERY mundane reasons - which others here can attest to.

No. I am completely new here. Like I say I had no idea about any of this until I had kids. They've both been diagnosed now and it's been a penny drop moment. I feel kind of stupid for not realising up to now.

I've been basically running in what I've been describing as "emulation mode" for decades, trying to operate in a mode that I don't naturally run in. When I was a kid I spent a *lot* of time on my own and could decompress. I also used to sleep a *lot*. I don't get this now and I feel pretty much confused, tired (mentally and physically) a lot of the time these days. It's made me think about a lot of how my life is and how it's been since I can remember, in a new light and I'm not really sure what I do with it, to be honest. Realised maybe that a lot of the problems aren't going to change because that's just how I am which perhaps means I should consider switching to accommodating things rather than fighting against them. Problems I thought I'd "fixed" are perhaps not fixed at all but I've just worked out how to "emulate" around them but this can be quite mentally draining.

I don't know if it's worth me pursuing a diagnosis myself. On one hand it seems like it wouldn't change much, but on the other hand it might be helpful to be able to say to people look, this is actually a real problem for me. I dunno. Feels like I've run into a dead end where I need to tell people, look this is me, these are my real limitations, this is why I act like this under certain situations. I don't want help, in fact I hate help. I'm not looking for excuses or special treatment or anything but a diagnosis might be a useful tool to say look, someone's confirmed this to be the case these are genuine problems.

To get back to this post though, I think the thing in that got me was that it's not just nostalgia, things in my life were obviously a lot less complicated, I had fewer responsibility and a stack more time for being able to pause etc, however, everyday life has also changed. It's unrecognisable to me now. Apps for everything, everyone with smartphones, everything connected in real time. barrage of information, "news", adverts, noise everywhere. I was fine with complication I was in charge of, in my world, things that I'd decided I wanted and had welcomed but this is something else. I know the pre-Internet, pre-computers everywhere normality and it was great for me :) Ironically, as someone who works in the computing field, I'd go back there tomorrow. I'd take the limitations of the tech back then, limitations are sometimes a good thing.

I got into reading about "minimalism" about 10 years or more ago (Zen Habits etc) as it sounded like it could be a way to be able to "clear the decks" and maybe go back to a more simple, less complicated state but I've never been able to do it. I've come to realise is that I have two massively contradicting mental states. One one hand I'm struggling with being visually overloaded and clutter is the enemy here, my office space is a disaster area, wires, bits of computers, tape decks, all sorts everywhere. My brain craves the clean empty spacious working area to be able to focus / flow and generally get on with stuff but on the flip side I find simplicity is also difficult to maintain when you've got interests that tend themselves to be complicated. All my "clutter" is stuff i want to keep, as everything has a purpose. People have compared it to almost like hoarding but I see it as very different as hoarding appears to be just keeping useless things however all of this stuff has a purpose and is / would be used given time availability - but like I say stuff everywhere, being cramped into spaces and not being able to see the wood for the trees really drives me mad with it all too.

So there you go, that turned into another bit of a ramble. Sorry.