How do you guys explain yourself to other people?

@jon In my case my parents acted as if they must "protect" stupid me; as if I would never be liked or accepted by anyone if "it" came out; as if I am only tolerated among "real" people as long as I fake it well enough. -- Note that nobody ever said any of that explicitly, it's how I interpreted it. One day someone will ask for proof that I am a real person and I won't have any -- basically.

I wish people would see the positive sides more unconditionally, it's always "X is good, as long as you don't..." Screw this. It's good, period. (Agreeing with @"Temple Grandin" here.)

@jon Good that you had a partner who helped you. I only have that (forgetting how to talk or move) rarely, usually I "escape" just in time. I can work it out, but it's one more thing that is difficult or impossible to explain to others. There should be a handbook for people that lists all the human glitches that are possible, so one could say "gimme a minute, I'm having a #2345". :-P

@goatworshiper I can express myself well if it is about facts (how is it when you speak about technical things?), but the rest... ;-)

Goatworshiper, thats interesting what your saying about a 'slow computer'. It  happens with me sometimes when I am talking to someone or they are talking to me or when I am trying to read something. I just can't take in the information or get out what I am trying to say. My mind just goes slow. It can happen when I am relaxed or stressed.

Hi Einfallspinsel,

When my parents filled out the background form for an Aspergers assesment they made me angry because they were so dismissive and their answers were not what I believed to be fact.

I have never had the shut down you talk about but I have on occassion when things have got too much (I think its linked with anxiety?) I have just shut down, not been able to talk or move. I  might just lie down. The last time I just stood in a train station against a wall and didn't  want to move. I was with my partner and she  eventually got me to go and sit outside.

My family knows, and they understand if I want to be alone; although I've yet to tell anyone at work, they also know I suit solitary work. I don't even like to go to the movies or watch my favourite TV shows with anyone...

Thanks for all your answers!

@longman: I looked up dyspraxia, don't think I have it, although a few symptoms (and your description) sound familiar. At that concert was no quiet corner to go to, that was the problem, I usually do that.

@Hope: I was at the same very small school for 9 years, a quiet girl with mostly good grades would not be conspicuous there. I didn't even notice I had no friends, because there was this other girl (I never learned what disability she had: she was not the smartest, and had zero muscle tension, which gave her the slouch and facial expression of a bag of water) who had been following me around in silence for years. I didn't occur to me to send her away. She distracted attention away from me, and adults simply assumed we were friends.

@Scorpion0x17: Is it possible that an Asperger's diagnosis was not known to paediatricians 25-30 years ago? Or if it was, then not for girls? In the last 10 years, four unrelated people have asked me things like, did you try this Asperger online test, did you like that Asperger documentary, here read this book about autistic adults, etc…

i am who i am take me as i am or don't it's up to them.

I suffer from a buffer kind of effect. Im dyslexic. The buffer is sometimes worse than others. Hums, arghs my brain takes an age to respond. I process stuff ok, but like an old outdated computer, i get there in the end.

I feel like a moron sometimes, as I cant articulate myself verbally due to hums and arghs. Im poor with writing too, I struggle to expand my vocabulary, Im a one trick pony and know it. I'm really good at understand and thinking, but can't explain myself. People often comment when the get to know me about: how they can't believe how well read I am, as I didn't make that impression upon them initially.

I've always been a day dreamer too.  

Einfallspinsel said:

@Scorpion0x17: Is it possible that an Asperger's diagnosis was not known to paediatricians 25-30 years ago? Or if it was, then not for girls? In the last 10 years, four unrelated people have asked me things like, did you try this Asperger online test, did you like that Asperger documentary, here read this book about autistic adults, etc…

Yes, exactly why I said that I would use 'might' where Hope used 'should' - very little was known of Asperger's until the 80's and even then it was until very recently that it was known of beyond the psychology profession. So, whereas these days the signs would be spotted, when I was at school they generally weren't.

I believe I was simply labelled as 'lazy'.

Hope said:

Teachers would no doubt have had concerns

Mine didn't.

Teachers would no doubt have had concerns even if they could not put a finger on them because AS has only entered common parlance very recently. No-one mentioned Aspergers when I was at school, although my parents speculated that I was 'a bit autistic', and my Dad found out about Aspergers during  his teacher training in 1998, but the teachers called me 'an enigma'. Also, I do not mince my words when I say that all children with AS would have had some difficulty at school even if those difficulties did not bother the child. I had difficulties at primary school, but the fact I could not socialise properly did not bother me at this stage. However, I often got into trouble due to my odd behaviour.

Einfallspinsel said:

What's an 'anamnesis'?

That was their fancy word for a patient's background info and medical history. Because often there are early signs that were ignored, and only looking back you suddenly understand them.

In this particular case the psychiatrist wanted to analyse my behaviour at a young age -- which of course I do not objectively remember. So the only way to get this piece of history is to interview another witness (typically the parents).

Ah, I see, and yes, as hope explains, Asperger's is present from birth and there are usually signs of it from very early childhood onwards.

However, I know of people who have been diagnosed in their 70s, and find it hard to believe that they would have had that kind of early childhood information available.

Aspergers would have affected you at school, teachers would have been concerned.

I'd change those 'would's to 'might's - I went all through school, college, university, numerous jobs, and nearly 40 years before I was diagnosed - looking back I can see I had difficulties my whole life, but it clearly wasn't all that apparent at school, and my teachers certainly didn't seem to be at all concerned.

Now-a-days, it's different, but for someone my age, when we were at school, it was not well understood, so even if there were clear signs, they were often not spotted, particularly in the case of Asperger's.

Yes, I agree with Longman. Just because you have sensory overload does not mean you have aspergers, but sensory overload can be disabling in its own right and can even be a standalone condition- sensory integration dysfunction. Or it could be caused by dyspraxia or dyslexia.

Asperger's is present from babyhood, but the signs become apparent in toddlerhood or very early childhood. The main symptoms are social: just having problems with noise or busy environments will not secure you a diagnosis. You would probably also have some need for routine and some obsessive behaviour. It would be hard for you to understand other people, to understand emotions, to deal with surprises. ASpergers would have affected you at school, teachers would have been concerned. I am not saying you don't have AS, you may well do, but what you describe is not AS specific. And not all people with AS have significant sensory disturbances (although many do). I only have a few sensory annoyances, and they are not the most disabling part of my condition.

My understanding is that some sensory overload problems apply to other disabilities including dyslexia and dyspraxia.

I cannot converse when there is background. It can get so bad that I seem to develop a "translator malfunction" - people seem to be speaking a foreign language. It also affects my speech as I start repeating myself and not making sense. But I have been told this can happen with dyslexia, though I don't have dyslexia. 

I can sustain it for a short while, by reading between the lines and trying to guess what is being said. But I then tire more quickly. If a meeting or discussion gets noisy my ability to follow it and make any contribution deteriorates

What I have found works though is if I can stay near the margins of a room, so the sound is all coming from one direction. For that reason in lectures, cinemas or concerts I try to sit near the wall on one side.

The other thing is that, since diagnosis I have done a lot of experimentation, to see if I can improve, and also get a better idea of where there could be difficulties. I find a seat or somewhere to stand, and just listen to divide up the sources and work out how much is going on and what causes discomfort.

Surely you could argue that, while you don't have a diagnosis of the cause, you do experience certain difficulties. Maybe some concessions could be made for you on that basis.

@Muckworm

Yeah, I guess continuing that way is the only solution in this situation. Avoid the din, function at work, and anything else only while nobody is looking.

What's an 'anamnesis'?

That was their fancy word for a patient's background info and medical history. Because often there are early signs that were ignored, and only looking back you suddenly understand them.

In this particular case the psychiatrist wanted to analyse my behaviour at a young age -- which of course I do not objectively remember. So the only way to get this piece of history is to interview another witness (typically the parents).

What's an 'anamnesis'?

I've stopped explaining to other people now because I don't feel accountable to them.  Most social events I don't go to because I know I won't cope when I get there and no-one bothers, not that I get many invites anyway.

At work it can be hard but I've learned to internalise everything at work so I can do my job and then I deal with the 'overload' when I get home.  It's the only way I can do it to protect myself really.

Some people understand ASD and some don't.  I'm ok with my diagnosis.  I struggle with others and how they treat me so I stay away from people as much as I can.  It is lonely and I long for a social group I can feel comfortable in but I know now it probably won't happen.

But I think it is important for you to get a formal diagnosis if you don't have one already, then you have medical grounds to protect you from stuff that's unhelpful.

Thanks for your reply, I do the "I'm tired" thing a lot too. :-) So if you have an official diagnosis, you can actually use that as an excuse when you're overwhelmed? Nobody says "pull yourself together and have another beer"? 

I applied for an adult evaluation a few years ago, and the psychiatrist told me she would not give me an appointment (or even look at the stack of questionnaires that I filled in) because the anamnesis questionnaire that my parents provided showed zero indication. And also they were booked solid until forever and had no time. 

My parents then proudly told me they had checked all the "right" boxes and "saved me from losing my job", and I should never talk to anyone ever again about "this"... Huh? (NB: my employer had nothing to do with this evaluation.) 

My parents are of the generation who thinks non-physical disabilities are exclusively caused by a weak character and bad parenting (they think they will be blamed). How can I get a diagnosis without anamnesis? 

I'm not so sure my colleagues or boss understand what "Asperger's" means (that's why I started this thread). One of my colleagues has some obvious Asperger's traits too, and they are utterly puzzled about her. (She's not diagnosed and like myself she doesn't see herself as someone who needs help from the state...) My colleagues would find it hard to believe the two of us are in the same category, because she can be bubbly and is obsessed with relationship drama and I'm not.

Firstly, I'd recommend that you get yourself diagnosed!

Basically, until you do that, you will find you have keep on finding 'excuses' - my favourite before I was diagnosed (though it was also true a lot of the time) was "I'm tired" - now, I've told friends "I have Asperger's" - and surprisingly most of them actually have some idea of what that is.

Also, when you're diagnosed you can tell your boss at work (I would tell ONLY your boss, and any people you ABSOLUTELY trust (as some people will use it against you)) - at that point you then have discrimination laws on your side - they can't force you to do things like team-building exercises, and have to make reasonable adjustments.