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Younger Sibling Issues: She won't admit she doesn't understand me

KaloJaro

Hi,

My younger sister has been struggling to understand what my diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome means to me, and she's been constantly accusing my mum of favouring me over her.

Now, shes 15, mouthy, rude, loud, bitchy, overly emotional and has an attitude problem (all things my friends have told me minutes after meeting her).

I've tried arranging for her to meet with one of the SEN teachers at my high school (I'm 18 and leaving this year) to try and have things explained to her properly, because I can't tolerate her presence (I have to restrain myself from hitting her every time she starts being rude to me or to others) and our mum is working most of the time and is too tired to explain properly.

However, when I told her I'd asked the SEN teacher to speak with her about my Aspergers Syndrome, she kicked off (stood up, yelled at me, sounded a lot like Catherine Tate at the time) screaming 'I DON'T NEED SOMEONE TELLING ME HOW MY SISTER THINKS' in front of her friend (who wasn't even meant to be there).

But this is it. She knows nothing about me. At all. I don't let her near my room because of how she sets me off, she starts on me for no reason half the time when I come home from school, she accuses me of being selfish when I won't share things with her after she's broken her version (i.e. laptop) through neglect or leaving it on the floor.....

I just can't make sense of it. Why is she being so defensive? I genuinelly despise her, and all she ever does is seem to hate me back, so why now the sudden claim to knowing me over a teacher who I now trust and talk with, as opposed to the brat I avoid altogether?

Parents

  • Siblings are, well, a tricky subject, and some don't talk to each other lifelong. However there are some points to consider.

    She may perceive some of your symptoms within her own make-up (well its a continuum so we are told and people who don't make to criteria for diagnosis can still have some symptoms). She may be worried about the implications for herself.

    Other people may be pointing out similarities in her behaviour to what people observe in yours. That will rankle.

    Strange as it may seem siblings have a lot in common. Clearly you don't see any at the moment but both of you inherited aspects of the persona and character of your parents and grandparents. There will be some common elements, and actually similar ways of looking at life..

    Strange as it may seem she might be capable of being supportive if you can find a way through the evident tensions.

    Bear in mind aside from any perceived transfer of attention from her to you, her life is to some extent being put on hold, asked to make sacrifices etc.

    I'm not saying you have to try to conciliate. You may be quite incompatible as siblings and the pattern set for life. However deep down you probably have more in common than you realise.  If not you parents do you have an aunt or someone else close that can conciliate between you?

    Might be worth it in the long term. Even if sparks fly currently on sight.

Reply

  • Siblings are, well, a tricky subject, and some don't talk to each other lifelong. However there are some points to consider.

    She may perceive some of your symptoms within her own make-up (well its a continuum so we are told and people who don't make to criteria for diagnosis can still have some symptoms). She may be worried about the implications for herself.

    Other people may be pointing out similarities in her behaviour to what people observe in yours. That will rankle.

    Strange as it may seem siblings have a lot in common. Clearly you don't see any at the moment but both of you inherited aspects of the persona and character of your parents and grandparents. There will be some common elements, and actually similar ways of looking at life..

    Strange as it may seem she might be capable of being supportive if you can find a way through the evident tensions.

    Bear in mind aside from any perceived transfer of attention from her to you, her life is to some extent being put on hold, asked to make sacrifices etc.

    I'm not saying you have to try to conciliate. You may be quite incompatible as siblings and the pattern set for life. However deep down you probably have more in common than you realise.  If not you parents do you have an aunt or someone else close that can conciliate between you?

    Might be worth it in the long term. Even if sparks fly currently on sight.

Children
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