Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, newbie here!
I have been lurking on online autism communities like Reddit's autism subreddits and elsewhere. I have been given the diagnosis of autism 3 times by 3 different psychologists. However, I don't relate to the majority of autistic experiences ( at least, those discussed online). There is a very strong emphasis on sensory issues- I was a very hypersensitive child, but as an adult, I'm *hypo*sensitive to sound and a lot of other stimuli. I'm quite sensory seeking too- I'm always running my hand over surfaces and touching things, so the hallmark autistic experiences of overstimulation and hypersensitivity are quite alien to me, at least as an adult. ( Of course, I'm not saying these experiences aren't valid! They absolutely are!)
Conversely, I don't see much discussion about the autistic traits that I experience to a significant degree- the need for things to be very predictable and always the same, especially in work situations (which has made most jobs a very bad fit for me- I need to do repetitive tasks that seldom change), difficulty with tasks that aren't part of my regular routine, and getting meltdowns when unexpected tasks arise.
It does make me feel kind of lonely when my manifestation of autism isn't all that common ( at least as far as I can see) and I can't find all that many people who experience what I experience. It's like I don't fit in neurotypical world or the autistic world. Am I just some kind of mutant?
Exactly, there are hyper and hyposensitivities. Mostly folks discuss hypersensitivities because they cause them pain/irritation or other bad feelings. I also experience that. But I’m hyposensitive to pain. Someone else may be hyposensitibe to light or sound. Or other things. The fact that you may not fit the stereotype, or most common experience does not make your experience invalid. But I understand your point. For me if I get overstimulated I just leave. Someone else may get a destructive meltdown. I had meltdowns as a teenager if some of my belongings were missing and I couldn’t find it. I found some other people who experience the same thing. I managed that to avoid the terrible meltdown as it was really exhausting and I felt terribly ashamed. Everyone is different. Everyone on the spectrum is also different.