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Parents
  • Hi Ellie and Happy New Year :-)

    Like you, I went down the private assessment/diagnosis route. I am not renowned for my patience and 'not knowing for sure' was just adding to the stress and anxiety that led me to look for explanations in the first place. I think my biggest fear was of no diagnosis, of being sent away with a simple 'no, you're wrong about this' and no alternative explanation.

    I've got to say that based on my experience, you might not notice much change to life in general if you do get a diagnosis. In my case, the most immediate and clear difference was that I was able to explain to my boss why the commute was a huge problem for me and now have an agreement to work an extra day a week from home. Apart from that it's been a mixed bag. My dad was really quite interested, asked a lot of questions and was very supportive. He promptly motored through several books on the subject of Asperger's in a quest for knowledge. My mother hasn't actually mentioned it since I told her that I was right and now had a formal diagnosis, apart from to say that she hoped I was now coping a bit better with the anxiety. My sister I don't think understands what it is, and has carried on as before, I suspect never to mention the A-word again! My better half and my best mate have taken it in their stride and I think actually appreciate what makes me tick (or not) better than before. There are even a few jokes made about it ....

    I guess what I am trying to say is that it's probably best not to expect too much  in the  way of a response to the news from others!!

    I would definitely say it is worth getting a formal diagnosis though. Knowing what you are dealing with and why things are as they are is very valuable indeed. For you though, not anyone else. I can now much better rationalise my reactions to things. I force myself to stop and ask myself whether I am causing myself undue anxiety by my extreme black and white tendencies. As my father pointed out to me, there are many possible outcomes in any case, and 'horrifically bad' and 'absolutely amazing' are only the extreme ends. His words "I have made it to 70-odd and probably the worst has actually happened only about twice in my entire life. Normally it's something in the middle". I now try when in full-on catastrophising mode to pause and remind myself that there is also 'pretty bad', 'a bit rubbish', 'kind of average', 'pretty nice' and 'great' between the 2 extremes, and chances are it'll fall into one of those. It does actually help. 

    On the other hand, there are some things, like sensory sensitivities, which cause anxiety and you can't do much about. I suppose being aware that that is what it is means you can try to avoid them as much as possible, but that's about it.

    And last but not least, you have a justification for being you, rather than trying to meet an ideal set by a society that doesn't get what it means to be you. It can be quite a weight off your shoulders, knowing that you are not unfriendly, inept, lazy or anything else. You just are how you are .... no point in swimming against the tide. Being yourself has the added benefit of taking less energy than pretending to be what you guess other people expect you to be too. However, I do acknowledge that pretending is habit-forming and takes a while to let go of. I am still working on all of the above anyway! Probably the other reason that nothing changes overnight ....

    Best of luck :-)

  • Thank you Moggsy....I guess for me one of the scary things is that mindset “just to crack on with it” on your own.

    As I always “function” no one has asked if I’m ok as long as their world keeps spinning nicely.  It will take its time as you allude....many years of masks and learnt “ways to perform” won’t shift overnight... 

    x

  • True, but remember you have 'cracked on with it' on your own up til now, by virtue of not knowing what 'it' was, so you are likely stronger than you think.

    The only trouble with that of course is that there is a high likelihood that everyone around you thinks you 'always seem so very capable' so never even notice when you are crumbling ..... And yes, while your problems don't affect them, they will ignore them. I reckon it's better to talk with like-minded folks (like-wired!) at that stage .... the others won't get it

  • but you've always been

    good enough

    you've just been giving

    the best parts of you

    to the wrong people

    r.h. sin

    ...Miss Elephant... you need not repy to this and so do not worry. I only Post this because there is a picture, stating some very good words, and the words I Post are what the picture says. I may not know what "r.h.  sin" means or to whom it refers.. (The Internet prevents me). I only know that the picture has good words within it... yet upon this NAS-Site the picture may shortly disappear! And that is that, and so Fare Thee Well, Madame.

  • Very true....but rather sad! 

Reply Children
  • but you've always been

    good enough

    you've just been giving

    the best parts of you

    to the wrong people

    r.h. sin

    ...Miss Elephant... you need not repy to this and so do not worry. I only Post this because there is a picture, stating some very good words, and the words I Post are what the picture says. I may not know what "r.h.  sin" means or to whom it refers.. (The Internet prevents me). I only know that the picture has good words within it... yet upon this NAS-Site the picture may shortly disappear! And that is that, and so Fare Thee Well, Madame.