2018 - Clawing out of a bear pit! - Advice needed please re: next steps...

So.  I joined the site in the summer as a self-diagnosed Aspie woman.  I have a partner who doesn't get what it is all about despite my attempts to try and explain things to him. I am estranged from most of my family and my only family contact is with my dad whose partner comments when I mentioned autism (but not in relation to myself) was that "everyone is a bit like that". I function too well for them to get it, I internalise too much and find it difficult to express how I feel and what I need. When I am able to articulate it falls on deaf ears.

As a 42 year old woman I feel that I have boxed myself into a corner and having had so many years wearing a mask and placating others in order to feel less excluded from NT society I need to be able to reach a point where I can be at peace with myself and go forward. I am tired from mask wearing and no longer wish to wear it and feel so boxed in by the wants of others.

Well, it's 2018 and trying to think of the best way forward.  I have approached a centre to be privately assessed but I am worried that whatever the outcome it will not make a difference - the waving of a piece of paper will fall on blinkered eyes and deaf ears.  I am not sure if a diagnosis will just cause more frustration as a positive diagnosis means that others still wont accept and a negative puts me back at the bottom of the "bear pit" and back to square one.

Many people in the community have hit different stages of this trajectory from epiphany, diagnosis or self-diagnosis and then hopefully stumbling ahead with life.

Any thoughts and advice welcome as at present I have only my mis-wired head and you lovely people to process the best way forward.

thank you

Ellie. x

BTW - an interesting read: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5040731/