Interests

I have a possibly childlike curiosity about the world that has not left me, combined with an intense, energetic outpouring of excitement and sense of being connected when I have had an interest binge. Strong interests motivate, inspire, encourage, provide a safe refuge from the world, and that all important order and symmetry that cements the stuff of existence and curtails the feeling of anarchy that often lurks beneath the surface. We all have interests, but in my case they are literally my life blood. The darkest time of my life was when I was living in my previous flat, deprived of regular access to my interests because of the extreme exhaustion and stress resulting from so little sleep. I often wrote about being bored and that life was meaningless. This is no longer the case. My life is now rich with meaning, because I access my interests every day. Of course, when I cannot access them, for whatever reason, a feeling of meaninglessness and a vacuum re-emerges, but thankfully not for long at the moment. I hope it stays that way. This is why I need to spend at least 3 hours on my interests almost every day, and why they are so intense and important in my life. I need to have something that makes me feel a sense of meaning, purpose, and connection. My interests are what motivated me to cook fish and overcome my OCD, they motivate me to travel, to go on stage and talk, and as a teenager they made my life feel good, even though I had no friends. Interests can't be over-emphasised enough, as often being our lifeblood and joie de vivre. 

The baby/Winslet interest got me out of the house, because the whole world was bathed in a golden halo of light. Everything I read took on new significance, as being connected to Winslet. Her presence could be felt everywhere. I followed babies and studied them in the minutest detail (this interest was definitely the most obsessive one I have ever had, in terms of the detail and overall, global significance). I volunteered at a nursery school, took a child care course after school, and auditioned and got an extra role in a theatre production, as well as taking dance lessons, travelling to Manchester on my own to visit my 4 week old cousin, etc, etc.