Published on 12, July, 2020
So my son is almost 4 (next week) He is diagnosed autism and adhd - he's starts special school in sept
his speech is okay , good enough to understand although he is deaf in his right ear . he is out at about 18m-2years behind development wise
This is what he does , first of all its not everyday , all the time , its prob once a week but it lasts hours , 3 hours is longest before he's snaps out of it , usually by falling asleep !
So say we were about to put his shoes on , we use pec cards and the shoes are fine , this is just an example , the shoes are not the issue - He will pull his feet away and not let me put them on , so ill try again and again and same every time , yet he will get upset and ask me to put his shoes on , but as soon as i go to he screams and moves/ runs away , wont allow me to , then he will ask again and again , getting upset over it , screaming at me to put them on , and i can tell he really does want me to but as soon as i even flinch to move to do it boom he wont let me , by this time he's really upset and will sometimes say sorry mom , over and over ect but as soon as i go to do it boom he wont let me .
This is the most common id say one a week comes on randomly
Yesterday it was a 3 hour battle to get his nappy changed , same again he was begging me to do it but as soon as i step to him does a handstand ! over and over and over for almost 3 hours until he fell asleep then when he woke up i did it fine no issues . - during this time were both stressed ect as he spends the whole time upset , screaming shouting me to do it etc, Yesterday i had to go outside away from him for 20 mins because it was never ending !!
I cant find any triggers ,as like i said it happens randomly. I mentioned it to Health visitor whilst at an app for my younger son she's the one who said to try a now and next pec system for getting changed so he knows in advance , which is fine but like i said it happens 1 in 20 times and when it happens it lasts hours - The shoe situation is normal as we are leaving for school so we end up late as we walk so cant leave without his shoes on.
Anyone have any ideas, support ? ideas what/ why etc ? Open to anything , I do think it is a kind of stim but never seen anyone /anything similar on facebook groups on here etc
What sort of shoes are they? Does it take long to fasten them?
I think that there may be a a build up of frustration in your son in the time before the problem becomes evident that he, because he is autistic and enteroception is not our strong point, has not noticed happening. The frustration probably has nothing to do with shoes or the other things you have difficulty getting him to do, and may have been a cumulative series of very small things that were 'just not right' for him. This would account for there not being an obvious single trigger and that he will sometimes be quite happy about shoes and nappies. There would then be a conflict between him knowing that he should get on with having his shoes put on, but his frustration and incipient meltdown state will not allow him to co-operate with the process. This would tend to heighten his frustration and result in a full meltdown.
The difficult part would be trying to spot this scenario building up. What might help is five or ten minutes before you intend putting shoes on to do something with him that he really likes and that makes him feel good, this could break any build up of frustration.