High functioning asd son refusing help

My son 19, was diagnosed in 2017. He has and always had meltdowns with high aggression. Things in the house have got broke, holes in doors,things thrown at me , verbal abuse e.t.c. I don't want to put up with this anymore. I've advised him to go to anger management courses,courses around asd or anything that could help.him . He will say yes but it never happens. Today I  was helping him move his drawers out his bedroom cos they're broke and I said he could borrow my unit till he found a new one. Cos he couldn't fit everything back on the unit he started swearing,shouting e.t.c..His 5 year old was there saying stuff to him he told him to piss off. Threw a pot noodle down stairs and chucked a towel in my face. Now I know I should have removed my little one and I could see him getting a bit anxious whilst I was moving his stuff but he's be ok one time and not another he's so unpredictable. Just fed up with feeling like everything is my fault like I didn't react to him the right way or didn't pick up on something. The reason why I've posted this now is the fact his biological dad who was mentally and physically abusive to me did a similar thing . He called me a stupid ••••••• *** and got me round the throat just for tidying his wardrobe. It just brought it all back and I don't want my son to end up doing the same thing wether it be to me,his future partners or children. I do I get him to see he can't do the things that he does to people and think it's ok? 

[Edited by Moderator]