Help me with my 18 year old daughter

My father would say the exact same thing about me at 18... Truth is, it enabled me to take on things he could never have done. Yes he was successful in a usual way but he never accomplished the things an aspie can. I wouldnt worry about it. Just let her rest

It sounds hard for you. Maybe you are taking too much on. If you withdrew and left her to herself it could be that she would realise she actually needs more help from you than she's willing to admit. And then she could start opening up more. Just a thought, I don't really know. 

Does your daughter have a social worker?

If not, maybe mention to your GP you think she urgently needs one.

I wonder if she has got frustrated with living with the family as a lot of people around that age do get to feeling like that. I remember I was eager to move out of my parents' home and had my own flat a while, though I later moved back in. But she may be secretly longing for a more of a sense of freedom, which we all get when we want to rebel against our parents.

It is me that is struggling with this, i have put my own life on hold, but am getting better with that now. It is so hard to see her asleep all day, most days, it is like a knife to my heart. I know i need to step back but finding it hard... I just want to "make it all better" and take away her pain. I am trying so hard to be positive, some days i manage too and other days like yesterday and today I struggle.... 

I continue to find it hard to know what the right thing to do is. Yesterday she had been asleep all day, she came downstairs at 9pm, waited for her pizza delivery which arrived at 10:30pm which is when I usually go up to bed. In the past i have waited up to spend time with her and be there if she needs to chat, DH always goes up to bed and gets cross with me if I alter what I usually do just for DD, hope that makes sense. I just feel bad having not seen her all day that when she does come downstairs i should be around.

I have and still put my own life on hold for DD, i bend over backwards to accommodate DD. This causes conflict with DH and I. - it is hard for me to explain how I feel, I constantly am worried about DD.....Seeing her asleep every day forces me to use any *** of opportunity i get to encourage her to do something so i wait for that ***. Does this make any sense to anyone as causes much conflict with DH and I 

thanks *Gianfry* you are right, as I said I find it hard to find a balance between backing off and checking in that she is ok.. 

I worry about the sleeping, and I try to give her gentle pushes from afar to focus her interests. Again a tricky balance as to how well received it is.. The sleeping all day most days has been going on for a year now.. she occasionally goes into our closest town on the bus or walks into the village.. What i find upsetting is she doesn't seem to be "getting better" and it breaks my heart that she is so stuck in life.. 

Depressed people can hardly say they are not, I think. So the fact that she's explicitly talking about it is great.

I can really understand you from the inside, I'm really sorry. It is so difficult this period in the life of our children in which it is necessary to keep a certain distance and at the same time try in every way to help them find their own way to be happy!

But no matter how hard it is for us parents we must always be convinced that it is a period that sooner or later will naturally pass, especially if we keep ourselves clear and alert ready to give the support that seems necessary in the moment and ... little bit back as soon as the storm is over!

What Chips suggested to focus on her interests and focus her attention on something she particularly likes, seems like very good advice. Try to give her an appealing proposal day to day ... and give her time to refresh her energy.

Hi Gian, I am getting better at backing off!!! Relatives have tried to help but DD not taken anything on board...

I do worry about depression although DD says she isn't depressed so hard to completely back off... finding it hard to find a fine balance 

Believe me, I do not want to minimize it at all but only to suggest possible hypotheses to give you effective help: dropped out the College, age problems and confusion about clear direction to go own life are quite common (I remember my daughter told me daily “Lay off me!” for one years when she finished high school and had to decide which college to choose). But, I know, at the present time maybe she could be more complicated by anguish for present situation due COVID-19 in addition she has a hard to accept the defeat with College.

So, remembering how parental rejection at this age is quite normal, have you consider asking to help from the best person (friend, relative, teacher, etc.) who she has the most in consideration … that it doesn’t have to be you? Often we parents not are the good choice to give directly help in this age especially when there are some crisis. No matter how great our love is, we have to accept that in some critical phases of our children's lives we must take a step back (but only apparently, of course!) to really help.

Consider this and see if it seems like a good possibility to explore.

Yes great username *chips* i have spoken to her about depression but she just pushes that suggestion away, as apparently i am the cause of most of her problems... sigh... 

Coincidentally we have similar usernames!

What is your daughter interested in? Is there any chance bringing stuff about her interests to her attention, or inviting her to something involving them, could get her up? From your description it sounds like she's depressed.

No she dropped out of College, she found the social side too hard going. She opted to do A levels at home online but hasn't been doing any studies. She just sleeps all day and it is breaking my hear to see her struggling and not moving forward with her life 

it will be a pleasure to share what we have experienced in the hope that it will be of some help to you. About present situation ... did this all start when you got the diagnosis? Is your daughter still in school?

Gianfranco

Thanks *Gianfry* i need help with everything! She spends all day in bed asleep, refusing any help from help from me. Sigh. 

Hi, do you need help in helping to organize daily life by giving your daughter the right support to stimulate activity? Give to community much information so it will be easier to give you the right suggestions! Take heart, think about how many parents or directly young people like your daughter have already lived and faced the problems and difficulties you are facing.