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after two and a half years he couldn’t tell me what I liked. Like he literally had no idea about my likes, dislikes or anything about me.
If you didn't actually use terms like "I really like that handbag" then there is a very real possibility that he would not be able to identify that it was a present option for you.
Many autists struggle with social cues including working out what present options are. I used to have a hard time deciding what to get my wife after 24 years of marriage and that was with me trying to stay alert to potential items of interest - it can really be that opaque for us.
I honestly got quite upset with him as I was pretty shocked and things ended a month later.
With the benefit of the knowledge of the above, would you have acted any differently? We can be hard work for "normal" people and if you are not able to handle our level of differentness then it is a good thing to be aware of so you can add it to your potential partner filter lists in future.
I’m also questioning a lot of the other stuff he blamed his autism on too.
My personal opinion is that this is likely to be a mix of legitimate issues he is talking about and some that are just convenient as they require effort that he may not have the energy to deal with. Without knowing the specifics it is impossible to give you an answer but the fact he was causing you to feel the way you were is probably the sign that a relationship with him would not work out long term.
All the above is in my opinion only of course.
after two and a half years he couldn’t tell me what I liked. Like he literally had no idea about my likes, dislikes or anything about me.
If you didn't actually use terms like "I really like that handbag" then there is a very real possibility that he would not be able to identify that it was a present option for you.
Many autists struggle with social cues including working out what present options are. I used to have a hard time deciding what to get my wife after 24 years of marriage and that was with me trying to stay alert to potential items of interest - it can really be that opaque for us.
I honestly got quite upset with him as I was pretty shocked and things ended a month later.
With the benefit of the knowledge of the above, would you have acted any differently? We can be hard work for "normal" people and if you are not able to handle our level of differentness then it is a good thing to be aware of so you can add it to your potential partner filter lists in future.
I’m also questioning a lot of the other stuff he blamed his autism on too.
My personal opinion is that this is likely to be a mix of legitimate issues he is talking about and some that are just convenient as they require effort that he may not have the energy to deal with. Without knowing the specifics it is impossible to give you an answer but the fact he was causing you to feel the way you were is probably the sign that a relationship with him would not work out long term.
All the above is in my opinion only of course.
Thanks for the reply!
to answer some of your questions, what I meant by him not knowing my likes wasn’t necessarily about gift giving, I can see I should of been a bit clearer. But that after years of being together he couldn’t say one accurate thing about me, and the stuff I was listing I know I had told him before, like what my favourite food as just an example. And he blamed this lack of knowledge on his autism.
I also know that I would have not acted any differently. I was upset but at the time his excuse of ‘I’m autistic it’s just what happens’ meant I was compassionate towards him but the more I thought about it afterwards the less it made sense to me. I.e I expressed I was hurt by his lack of knowledge but his excuse towards this curbed those feelings until I actually thought about it properly.
What frustrates me is that throughout our relationship I told him to express to me if what I was asking wasn’t possible for him, so I could either adjust my expectations or find another partner more suitable. But he kept saying everything was fine while I continued to be disappointed by him.
thank you for your insight as well!
