Published on 12, July, 2020
I have had a bit of time away from the forum lately due to several reasons which I’ll detail below, but the point of this post is to try and get myself active here again. If I don’t, I’m worried I will lose the ability to post here when I need to. It took such a lot for me to join in the first place so I don’t want lose that confidence. Which if I’m honest, I think is already happening.
The saddening news we all received recently about Luna was a lot. It’s taken a bit of time to process really (as I’m sure it has for a lot of people, especially her close friends and family). On a personal level, my family and I have lost too many people in these past few years. Far too many in fact. Whilst I only spoke to Luna on here occasionally, I wanted to take a step back in respect of her and to allow time to consider the emotions surrounding this (which always takes time). Simply put, I think the negative feelings I’ve been experiencing are sadness, both for us all here and for her loved ones. I think because of my family’s recent losses, which I don’t really speak of often, this has hit pretty hard and so I’ve taken a step back for a little while.
I have been experiencing burn out. This is ongoing and I’m not really talking to the people I’d usually confide in about it because I don’t have the words at the moment. It has impacted senses in a way that I haven’t gone through before. What used to provide comfort now does the complete opposite. Food is a bit of a struggle. I’ve taken time away to try and navigate these new challenges. But in doing so, and not talking/writing, I’m worried that I’m putting distance between myself and my loved ones, as well as the community I’ve come to really appreciate here.
On the only occasion I took a risk and pushed through my current food difficulties, I developed quite a severe form of food poisoning. I’ve never had this before. It was a week of terrible symptoms and now I’m energyless and dizzy. The drs have told me that I could be like this for weeks. It’s pretty overwhelming. But I am moving forwards slowly.
Im certainly not looking for sympathy, but rather was aiming to explain my absence recently. I don’t know why, but perhaps it’s some misplaced guilt for disappearing. I have no idea really. Perhaps this entire post was unnecessary, perhaps not. Maybe it will help, but then again, maybe not. You don’t know if you don’t try and this is me trying to get back into this space again.
Anyway, to those that made it this far, hello again. Or maybe it’s hello for the first time if you’re new here. I hope to be around a bit more again.
Oakling said:On a personal level, my family and I have lost too many people in these past few years. Far too many in fact.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Since I've been with my husband (16 years) I've lost my brother-in-law, my sister and my mum, each of them deteriorating slowly which can be quite agonising to watch.
My husband's brother has also died.
I also heard that an ex boyfriend had died on the same day his girlfriend committed suicide.
Life can be so painful and I feel for you.
Thank you for your kind words.
I am sorry for your losses too.
Unfortunately, my story is very similar to the one you describe. I have heard that these things tend to cluster and they certainly have for us. Another common phrase is that these things come in threes, if only it stopped there.
Each one, as you no doubt know, is hard to come to terms with. Unlike many of my family members, my grief tends to come much later and to the untrained eye probably seems out of the blue and bizarre in terms of the timings. It’s not though, it’s just delayed due to processing time and understanding that that person is no longer there.
This delay has meant that I have been the person to speak at many of the funerals when others couldn’t though. So I suppose it works out in the end.
Life can be so painful
In moments like this, it certainly seems like that. It’s where it’s good to have people to turn to when you’re ready. For me, that always takes time. The reminders that it’s okay to take things one step at a time certainly seem to help anyway.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and for the kindness you have shown. Take care.