Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’ve been feeling very strong nostalgia for lockdown the past days- I miss the quiet, the peace, the empty streets, being able to work from home, not having to socialise in person except for possibly going on a walk with someone, it being acceptable to mainly socialise online, time moving more slowly, being able to live life at my rhythm ... - does anyone else feel this way? I am very burnt out and overwhelmed at the moment which I think is making me crave for a pause more than ever. Someone said to me recently that life does not have a pause button but that we crave that sometimes - which is exactly how I feel right now- I want life to pause, to forget about all the deadlines I have to meet, to just be able to exist with no pressure in my own bubble- I think lockdown was the closest I ever experienced to life being on pause.
I hope I am not being insensitive here- the pandemic caused a lot of misery and the reasons that led to lockdown being necessary are bad - I just miss aspects of what life was like during lockdown and am in urgent need of a pause that I am not going to get.
God, that sounds pretentious even by my standards. Still, I wouldn't write that way if it didn't feel true (at least to me).
It was a very welcome relief from the hall of mirrors that is our autistic experience.
I relate, and I feel the same way a lot of the time.
During lockdown everywhere was like a ghost town, no people, no traffic - no noise. It was like one of my dreams come true, just a shame there was so much tragedy going on.
I find myself missing those days, missing that world. It was bliss for me.
I wrote about this feeling recently, Ann. :) Like you, my feelings made me feel a bit selfish or too focused on my own stability...but I think that fellow autists can understand why we appreciated the inner peace and calm lockdown provided for us.
*Still* taking precautions (for others' sakes), only a few weeks ago I went to an autism-advice meeting - to the kind advisers I met, I must have looked like a talking mask topped by animated eyebrows.