Published on 12, July, 2020
God, it's like getting blood out of a stone sometimes!
Usually what happens is, I'm having a conversation, one of them says something confusing. I ask what they mean and they either ask another question, or make fun of me, or stare blankly. The more I ask for clarification, the weirder they get. It's like they're playing a game.
So I usually just give up and shut up.
Why is it so frigging difficult to answer a straightforward question??
NAS77114 said:I am more than capable of phrasing a question, and if I ask question A it is because I want question A answered!!
Yeah, I'm there with you.
You want to say this:
"I'm an articulate person, and I'm perfectly capable of choosing my words with precision, and assembling them in exactly the right order, so that they convey my meaning with absolute accuracy.
It isn't necessary for you to re-order them, deconstruct them, or rephrase them and throw them back at me, with the stupid rhetorical question "are you saying that...?"
No, I'm not saying that; I am saying precisely -please note the word 'precisely' - what I actually said in the first place.
No additional clarity will come from you rewording what I said. In fact, the reverse is true.
If I make a statement, that will be (with some precision) the actual statement I wish to make.
If I ask a question, it won't be because I actually wanted the answer to a different question but (for some inexplicable reason) I wasn't capable of asking that one; it will be because I would like an answer to the question I asked."
But if you did say all that, because you're annoyed, you'd come across as a pompous prig. They still wouldn't focus on your original words and meaning, they'd be distracted by thinking that you're pompous. But you're only being pompous because they're being annoying!
Sigh. But we have to accept these things. We know that we think differently. Best to count to three, take a few deep breaths, remain calm, and in a very restrained and quiet way, ask them to please answer the question(!)
Yes, it's all we can hope for isn't it. The odd laugh or two.
My husband is good at deflecting if he feels the question I ask is going to make him uncomfortable and equally annoying he will answer what he thinks I am asking - not what I am asking. This in itself then causes an argument because he says I must be implying something and I argue that I am more than capable of phrasing a question, and if I ask question A it is because I want question A answered!! He often says he forgets I have Aspergers so I ordered a hoodie from NAS so I can wear it at home and he can't forget!!
I just used to concentrate doing the work itself as well as possible, and having a laugh wherever possible.
Yes, offices are exactly like that.
I find if you have one 'bad apple' in a work place, it infects the rest of them and they all turn bitchy. Especially if the bad apple is the boss! It creates a toxic workplace.
If you have a good, nice boss, the workplace will be fairly friendly.
Most of the time I'm glad I'm a freelancer and keep away from the pack mentality of workplaces. But it is lonely.
Same here about all of that.
Yes, offices are like playgrounds but more efficient. I can't imagine who enjoys that atmosphere. Not me.
Yes, as a freelancer I get that too. I can keep apart from the internal nonsense.
However, it means I never get the group experience of having a 'gang' of supportive friends I can relax with. I always have to be 'on' and making an effort. It must be nice to be able to just be accepted by people I've known for decades.
When I was 11 they told me I had "antisocial tendancies".
To me it felt like I was just being bullied all the time, at school, at home, at play etc. and had just got fed up with it.
In truth whenever humans need to bond as a group there is always a sub part of that group, who although members are not quite the same as the others. We either get to be "captain", or spend all our time "in the barrel".
Becoming a CONTRACTOR solves most of the problems I found in employment. It sets you apart from the internal politics (mostly) and I can (usually) stand any workplace for three months at a time... I like declining the "extensions" on the rubbish contracts too.
Cleeky and bitchy I imagine in office's. Be where of the college it bites thats all I'd say. I just try and avoid work gossip and get on with the job at hand least if I'm busy I haven't got a reason to talk to anyone. I don't mind if there just having genral chit chat but as soon as the bitching starts I'm not interested and keep my head down. I listen in incase here I here any thing useful but think of work as a hunting ground. Your the prey and the college's are the preditors. It's survival of fittest to get to the top of food chain and everyone is competing for next position. Even if your not interested in being promoted because you just want a basic job still doesn't mean they won't go out of there to throw there weight around and assert dominace though. NTs in the work place are usually ass holes
Yes, I tend to function better in education/caring roles. Office work just slowly destroys me. It took me a long time to escape though, and move towards self employment. Office work often feels to me just like the school yard, except they've subtilised their methods.
I found working in caring situations like schools and colleges were better for me, because people were nicer. In run of the mill offices, people were devious and into office politics, jockeying for position all the time. Which isn't safe for autistic people.
Exactly. Most workplaces just aren't safe for me. I actually think it's them not me, but of course they're in the majority.
JennyButterfly.
Same here at my workplaces, I used to get that.
These days though, I'm more likely to be edged out of the door at work, via redundancy or increasingly uncomfortable situations. I get the feeling that the underlying dynamics are the same and, in bygone days, would have seen me either burnt or runout of town.
Actually my ex H and his brother who are both on the spectrum can never answer a straight question with a straight answer
Do you float when you swim?
Yes. I'd probably have been burnt.
I Sperg.
Yes, tiring isn't it...
Yes, it seems like there's a lot of those people about doesn't it!
Untoward. I hear you loud and clear there. I have a friend like that too. I ask her what she means and she says, 'don't you understand?'
'No, that's why I'm asking.'
and then she goes down some kind of rabbit hole making fun of me. I stop talking to her then. Next time I'm going to say 'I give up on this conversation as I'm totally confused and you're not explaining or helping.'