A revelation about getting on with people

NT communication 101! Think of 3 things you couldn’t careless about, and say that before asking the real question.

”hi, how are you? how are the kids getting on at school? weather has been terrible hasn’t it? By the way….?

I find I can ask the questions, but I struggle to make my tone of voice or facial expressions sound and look actually interested.

this made me laugh thanks

I find KikiCat's comments hilarious most of the time   real talent in cheering up autistic

I am done with forum and social media controversies etc. I am bored of trolls and all those types. I used to get sucked into it all but I just mute/block now. It's a shame we can't block people on this forum, or can we?

FWIW I quite like what I've read of your posts. You also handled someone attempting to suck you into a recent forum controversy involving myself very well.

I can't follow this damm board. Do you mean how I met my husband? I was pretty lucky. I think we don't acknowledge how great a part luck plays in our lives.

I wish the comments were more clearly linked.

I kind of agree with you but again with reservations. Events like when friends/ relatives die horribly, or people are murdered or abused etc. If these things happen, they are undeniably bad and there's no interpreting or growing.

Such as, my friend's one year old baby died suddenly in his cot. How is that positive or a source of learning or growing? It's just awful. 

My dad died horribly from leukaemia when I was 13, the same as above.

The Manchester Ariana Grande concert bombing, the same as above.

I think some events are just negative, nothing positive about them.

Minor events in life, maybe, but seeing everything as neutral would lead to people shrugging and saying 'oh well, let's not tighten gun laws' or whatever.

That's beautiful to hear. An inspiration in fact!

Yes, you're absolutely right, Kiki. Things just happen. How we interpret them is what makes our experience positive or negative. There is something to learn and a source of growth for us in every experience. Someone once said that nothing is good or bad, but only as good or bad as our interpretation of it. 

I also think, we hold people to our own expectations of ourselves. When everyone has their own individual expectation, these more often than not, will not match with ours. Once I realised this, it made some things in life easier. Someone's 100% might be the same as my 50% and that's ok.

I'm trying to say that we view others through our own lens of ourselves and when they don't match this we can be frustrated or disappointed.

btw I met my husband when I was at my very lowest, planning to kill myself soon. I had been through a terrible experience, I hated life and myself. Yet I met a wonderful man who loved me when I didn't love myself, nowhere near.

How did that happen then?

I kind of agree but I think life is more random than that. Things happen and you deal with them. it doesn't matter what attitude you have or how positive or negative you are.

So many times I've been feeling negative, yet had a wonderful experience with nice people.

So many times I've been feeling positive, yet had a terrible time with horrible people.

It hasn't mattered what my attitude was to things, they just happen.

You are a sweetheart mrs.snooks  

It is, Exist, and yet it seems beyond the comprehension of most. It's so simple. This leads me to conclude that, secretly, people secretly actually enjoy the security of misery and trauma. It's familiar and comfortable. And it provides endless opportunity to talk about themselves. We can dine out on our trauma for years and years. But, it's not their fault entirely.  We live in a topsy-turvy world where everything we're taught is backwards.

When people tell me they wish they could meet someone who loves them, or understands them, my response is: you first. It's unreasonable and nonsensical to expect other people to do what you can't.

I've been searching through your thread for this comment! 

Be myself, all alone. I have one husband and one daughter, no one else seems to like me. Hey ho.

I think you are very much liked here.

Let us be alone, together. Then it will feel less. xx

Excellent stuff 

When I'm down, I treat people like sh*t

When I'm up, I treat people well.

Pretty simple formula to work out.

I don't think it's sad, Kiki, not when you think about it logically and are able to break the conditioning of falsehoods. 

If someone likes themselves, they are incapable of disliking others. If someone is kind to themselves, they are incapable of being unkind to others. That's world peace. It starts within. 

I'm not religious, but it really is the original meaning of the phrase: treat others as you want to be treated. But, sadly, like everything else, its original meaning has been distorted to its opposite. 

Life is simple.

Choice 1#: You don't like yourself. You have good and bad experiences. You ignore the good ones and focus on the bad ones. This causes you to dislike yourself more. You then treat others as you treat yourself and you dislike them. Your world is hostile.

Choice 2# You like yourself. You have good and bad experiences. You ignore the bad ones and focus on the good ones. This causes you to like yourself more. You then treat others as you treat yourself and you like them. Your world is welcoming.

I know what you mean but that is a very sad view of life. Humans are social creatures, we're meant to live in a supportive tribe, not everyone separate and isolated. We aren't orang utans. We're meant to like each other.

It's not other people's job to like us. That's our job. We really only have one job in life and that's to like ourselves. For most people though, including myself, it's a full-time job with no annual leave. And the benefits of liking oneself is that it sets the bar for how others view us. It's much easier to like someone who likes themselves. It's hard work trying to like someone who doesn't like themselves.  

Hm, yes. I prefer people who can deal with me. Not wimps who are shocked by my bluntness. Toughen up, people.

Be myself, all alone. I have one husband and one daughter, no one else seems to like me. Hey ho.

Be yourself, Kiki. No one an do it as well as you.

Be yourself, Kiki. No one an do it as well as you.

I am done with forum and social media controversies etc. I am bored of trolls and all those types. I used to get sucked into it all but I just mute/block now. It's a shame we can't block people on this forum, or can we?

FWIW I quite like what I've read of your posts. You also handled someone attempting to suck you into a recent forum controversy involving myself very well.

I can't follow this damm board. Do you mean how I met my husband? I was pretty lucky. I think we don't acknowledge how great a part luck plays in our lives.

I wish the comments were more clearly linked.

I kind of agree with you but again with reservations. Events like when friends/ relatives die horribly, or people are murdered or abused etc. If these things happen, they are undeniably bad and there's no interpreting or growing.

Such as, my friend's one year old baby died suddenly in his cot. How is that positive or a source of learning or growing? It's just awful. 

My dad died horribly from leukaemia when I was 13, the same as above.

The Manchester Ariana Grande concert bombing, the same as above.

I think some events are just negative, nothing positive about them.

Minor events in life, maybe, but seeing everything as neutral would lead to people shrugging and saying 'oh well, let's not tighten gun laws' or whatever.

That's beautiful to hear. An inspiration in fact!

Yes, you're absolutely right, Kiki. Things just happen. How we interpret them is what makes our experience positive or negative. There is something to learn and a source of growth for us in every experience. Someone once said that nothing is good or bad, but only as good or bad as our interpretation of it. 

I also think, we hold people to our own expectations of ourselves. When everyone has their own individual expectation, these more often than not, will not match with ours. Once I realised this, it made some things in life easier. Someone's 100% might be the same as my 50% and that's ok.

I'm trying to say that we view others through our own lens of ourselves and when they don't match this we can be frustrated or disappointed.

btw I met my husband when I was at my very lowest, planning to kill myself soon. I had been through a terrible experience, I hated life and myself. Yet I met a wonderful man who loved me when I didn't love myself, nowhere near.

How did that happen then?

I kind of agree but I think life is more random than that. Things happen and you deal with them. it doesn't matter what attitude you have or how positive or negative you are.

So many times I've been feeling negative, yet had a wonderful experience with nice people.

So many times I've been feeling positive, yet had a terrible time with horrible people.

It hasn't mattered what my attitude was to things, they just happen.

You are a sweetheart mrs.snooks  

It is, Exist, and yet it seems beyond the comprehension of most. It's so simple. This leads me to conclude that, secretly, people secretly actually enjoy the security of misery and trauma. It's familiar and comfortable. And it provides endless opportunity to talk about themselves. We can dine out on our trauma for years and years. But, it's not their fault entirely.  We live in a topsy-turvy world where everything we're taught is backwards.

When people tell me they wish they could meet someone who loves them, or understands them, my response is: you first. It's unreasonable and nonsensical to expect other people to do what you can't.

I've been searching through your thread for this comment! 

Be myself, all alone. I have one husband and one daughter, no one else seems to like me. Hey ho.

I think you are very much liked here.

Let us be alone, together. Then it will feel less. xx

Excellent stuff 

When I'm down, I treat people like sh*t

When I'm up, I treat people well.

Pretty simple formula to work out.

I don't think it's sad, Kiki, not when you think about it logically and are able to break the conditioning of falsehoods. 

If someone likes themselves, they are incapable of disliking others. If someone is kind to themselves, they are incapable of being unkind to others. That's world peace. It starts within. 

I'm not religious, but it really is the original meaning of the phrase: treat others as you want to be treated. But, sadly, like everything else, its original meaning has been distorted to its opposite. 

Life is simple.

Choice 1#: You don't like yourself. You have good and bad experiences. You ignore the good ones and focus on the bad ones. This causes you to dislike yourself more. You then treat others as you treat yourself and you dislike them. Your world is hostile.

Choice 2# You like yourself. You have good and bad experiences. You ignore the bad ones and focus on the good ones. This causes you to like yourself more. You then treat others as you treat yourself and you like them. Your world is welcoming.

I know what you mean but that is a very sad view of life. Humans are social creatures, we're meant to live in a supportive tribe, not everyone separate and isolated. We aren't orang utans. We're meant to like each other.

It's not other people's job to like us. That's our job. We really only have one job in life and that's to like ourselves. For most people though, including myself, it's a full-time job with no annual leave. And the benefits of liking oneself is that it sets the bar for how others view us. It's much easier to like someone who likes themselves. It's hard work trying to like someone who doesn't like themselves.  

Be myself, all alone. I have one husband and one daughter, no one else seems to like me. Hey ho.