Published on 12, July, 2020
I've realised that people prefer it if I start with pleasantries, not just going straight to the point of what I want to say.
e.g. just now I went to get my recycling bin after it had been emptied. At least I thought it was my bin. I saw my neighbour getting into his car so I called 'is this my bin?' He looked blankly at me and said, 'hello, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while.' I was confused, I needed to know if that bin was mine or his. He was confused because he hadn't seen me for a while and wanted to say hello, not talk about bins.
Then it dawned on me, ta dahhhhhhhhhh! I should have said 'hello how are you?' Before launching into the questions about the bin.
I like to get straight to the point, never mind chit chat. Most humans prefer the chit chat first.
I hope this has been helpful
As an aside, why not just paint your house number on your bin?
Then there'll be no confusion, and you won't have to speak to your neighbour
It is on there but he was standing in the way getting into his car, so I couldn't really push past him to look at the other side. I had to actually talk. Anyway, he's nice, he helped me when someone crashed their car into my fence.
Ah, well, that makes sense.
I don't mind general courtesies, as long as they don't transform into small talk
I didn't even know what masking was until a couple of years ago when I was researching for my assessment.
I probably did it a little but it felt like I was a fraud. If I was being myself it would sometimes be awkward or uncomfortable.
But I don't even know what I am, so how can I pretend to be something else?
But on the whole, I just acted like myself at any given moment, take it or leave it. The masking/unmasking probably left me frustrated and argumentative. I grew to quite enjoy rubbing people up the wrong way. I basically felt I was surrounded by morons, and I let everyone know about it.
I suppose as a defence or coping mechanism I used abrasiveness and outspokenness rather than masking.
I was very vocal about the terms 'Be true to yourself", or "Be yourself"
That's fine, unless you are actually being yourself. Then people don't like it.
F*ck 'em.
You see, I would say an awful lot of people I come across are wrapped up in their own world. People who i wouldnt assume to be autistic. But I think the difference is they are able to talk about other things, whereas sometimes for autistic people it's more difficult other than things they are interested in.
Definitely some advantage in being oblivious to others! Would you say you mask a lot? I get the impression you don't so much... For me, I do and often take time afterwards going over things trying to work them out.
Hmm, tricky.
In all honesty, I'm oblivious to a lot of stuff, autistically self-centred (special interests) so I either don't have much to say and stand there in awkward silence, make my excuses and leave, or I steer the conversation in a direction I want it to go. That usually ends conversations pretty quickly.
There is some utility in being oblivious to the needs and interests of others.
I always explain myself, but I don't have a problem with it. I am literally interested in my own interests and how that fits into the world around me.
That might sound arrogant or egotistical, but that's not how I mean it. More like my autism makes me the centre of my own universe.
But I do try to treat everyone with the appropriate level of courtesy.
What about "long talk" when you can't get away? Or when you go to collect a parcel and 30 minutes later you're still in the house having a cup of tea? Or you go outside to unwind with gardening and they start telling you that you're doing it wrong?! Or you constantly feel in any conversation that you have to justify or explain yourself?! They're nice people at the end of the day but not my cup of tea.
I don't mind talking to my neighbours, they don't really do small talk either. I just chat to them in case I need them e.g. when people break my fence, they are witnesses.