Can’t lie

Hi Nancy, can I just ask please, why are you asking us this question?

Yes of course. I’m fairly sure my adult daughter is on the high functioning autistic spectrum.  She has said quite hurtful things over time and I just wanted to know whether there was any point trying to explain to her what she has done. I’m just tying to get a better understanding really. 

Thank you for clarifying. Yes of course there’s a point to explaining to her that things she has said have been hurtful as you shouldn’t have to put up with her saying hurtful things to you. You may need to be very specific though when explaining exactly what she has said and exactly why it has hurt you. I’m pretty sure that my eldest daughter (21) also has AS, luckily we are and always have been very close, like best friends really, so she doesn’t say hurtful things to me BUT one thing that I have really struggled with with her recently is trying to get her to see how her behaviour impacts on other people and makes them feel (with regards to bf/friend’s) and it’s virtually impossible, to get her to put herself in the other persons shoes and see how her behaviour affects them, unless she has been in the same situation herself. Even though I’m terrible at seeing others perspective myself, it really winds me up when I am explaining to her in the bluntest most direct way ever, and she still doesn’t get it! 

The post code lottery may exist, for some people, but trust me, when you're ready for help, it will be there, just don't judge what comes along before you have given it a chance. 

On that day driving down the motorway, I was suddenly in an alternative universe and I saw clearly what I was doing - going back to a situation (with a partner) where we were living together and I could see I needed to end it, there and then. I could recall the whole story to you but in short, it was his house but I got him out of the house, paying for the house and I made it clear I would not move out until I was ready and he could not come round. It was a huge life changing moment because suddenly, I was without a child to look after and now I was on my own for the first time, and I had a completely blank slate because through that relationship (he has narcissistic personality disorder) I had become distant from all my friends and family, I wasn't working and I was living, literally, in the middle of nowhere in a beautiful old cottage in the lake district - it was a perfect sanctuary and was the beginning of me getting the autism diagnosis.

Hi BlueRay, I'm glad that you found my memory uplifting. I do find that I do have a number of very specific, highly detailed memories, some of them from before I was even 1 (I know the child psychologists say people can't remember anything from before the age of 2 but I have a number of really vivid memories from when I was very young!). That is, if something is profound enough to stay in my head then I remember it so well, almost in technicolour! What 'moment' happened for you on your way driving back home to the lake district?

It must be quite liberating in a way not having to have a sense of what time or day it is. Having young children, I have to follow a reasonably structured routine and know what day it is. It's really good that you've got at least 18 months support. I really think it is a postcode lottery with what support is available post diagnosis, I have none, but to be fair, at the moment, I don't feel that I particularly need any support either, apart from chatting with people on here which is always good.

That was so inspiring to read Kitsun, reading about the moment you changed things around, it really uplifted me. I can relate to it, as I remember exact moments like that. My last one was at 4.14 pm on the 25th November, driving back home to the lake district.

I can't even remember what I did at the weekend, I rarely know what day it is so I'm not even sure when the weekend was, but you can be sure it was good. Every day is good, I don't know how to have a day that's not good although I am trying to sort out the days so I have specific work days and days where I go for walks etc. I'm getting there slowly and I've got at least 18 months support so I'm taking it as it comes and my support worker is leading the way and I'm very happy about that because I no longer have to think about going to bed or getting up or whatever, we'll get to that. I think we're working on eating first, which is pretty big for me because I'd rather not do it. I am working towards being a breatharian but I know, paradoxically, I have to get into a regular eating/drinking pattern so I can fast regularly so I eventually do without all food and water.

That was so inspiring to read Kitsun, reading about the moment you changed things around, it really uplifted me. I can relate to it, as I remember exact moments like that. My last one was at 4.14 pm on the 25th November, driving back home to the lake district.

I can't even remember what I did at the weekend, I rarely know what day it is so I'm not even sure when the weekend was, but you can be sure it was good. Every day is good, I don't know how to have a day that's not good although I am trying to sort out the days so I have specific work days and days where I go for walks etc. I'm getting there slowly and I've got at least 18 months support so I'm taking it as it comes and my support worker is leading the way and I'm very happy about that because I no longer have to think about going to bed or getting up or whatever, we'll get to that. I think we're working on eating first, which is pretty big for me because I'd rather not do it. I am working towards being a breatharian but I know, paradoxically, I have to get into a regular eating/drinking pattern so I can fast regularly so I eventually do without all food and water.

The post code lottery may exist, for some people, but trust me, when you're ready for help, it will be there, just don't judge what comes along before you have given it a chance. 

On that day driving down the motorway, I was suddenly in an alternative universe and I saw clearly what I was doing - going back to a situation (with a partner) where we were living together and I could see I needed to end it, there and then. I could recall the whole story to you but in short, it was his house but I got him out of the house, paying for the house and I made it clear I would not move out until I was ready and he could not come round. It was a huge life changing moment because suddenly, I was without a child to look after and now I was on my own for the first time, and I had a completely blank slate because through that relationship (he has narcissistic personality disorder) I had become distant from all my friends and family, I wasn't working and I was living, literally, in the middle of nowhere in a beautiful old cottage in the lake district - it was a perfect sanctuary and was the beginning of me getting the autism diagnosis.

Hi BlueRay, I'm glad that you found my memory uplifting. I do find that I do have a number of very specific, highly detailed memories, some of them from before I was even 1 (I know the child psychologists say people can't remember anything from before the age of 2 but I have a number of really vivid memories from when I was very young!). That is, if something is profound enough to stay in my head then I remember it so well, almost in technicolour! What 'moment' happened for you on your way driving back home to the lake district?

It must be quite liberating in a way not having to have a sense of what time or day it is. Having young children, I have to follow a reasonably structured routine and know what day it is. It's really good that you've got at least 18 months support. I really think it is a postcode lottery with what support is available post diagnosis, I have none, but to be fair, at the moment, I don't feel that I particularly need any support either, apart from chatting with people on here which is always good.