I don't want to embarrass the perpetrators of the posts by name, there have been more than one, but at times their appear troll like posts on these forums.
Perhaps it is inadvertant, but asking for advice and then showing little respect for the replies that are made in good faith, name calling using unacceptable language, putting across a belief that one has and then insisting this belief is irrefutable despite what others have said and with no evidence, or criticising others for valid views seems to me the sort of thing a troll would do.
I don't know whether it is a 'road from Damascus' moment (the 'from' is deliberate as it seems to be that the eyes have been closed and not opened) but there has also been what appears to be a personality change at times. We are autistic, but this does not mean we cannot work things out and with proper respect views can be contrary to those of others. And sometimes there are members here with particular knowledge which is useful to others. But posting information to further a theory of doubtful basis is not what I believe this forum is for, and one should expect others to put the alternative view.
I know I wind people up at times, hopefully not too many times on this forum. But I do try to think about what I am saying, give information in good faith, accept other peoples contributions with good humour, and not spout rubbish.
But there does seem at times to be people here with nothing to add to a conversation but spout nonsense.
After another, simply delicious and ridiculously gorgeous, hazelnut chocolate spread sandwich. I have decided to come off this forum. At least for a while anyway. If not forever. Although that can’t be said. Because apart from the sun coming up in the morning and the power of love. There’s not much else we can rely on, to happen in the future. So who knows? Maybe this is the very last time I visit this site ♀️
I’m not conjuring up any kind of blame or anything like that. Nothing of the kind. I am simply well aware that some people sometimes get upset by some of the things I say and on a forum like this, there’s no a lot we can do about that.
Apart from, take out of the equation, the person who is seen as the person causing the upset. Which, in this case, is me.
I’m guessing this is true, that it’s me, who is believed to be the cause of some people feeling upset. And I’m guessing this, by the fact that my response to this conversation, remains unanswered.
I have also sensed a type of a bullying type thing going on, for want of a better expression. Like people are trying to prove that what I’m saying is wrong, or something. Not in, as if we’re having a conversation, but as if they’re really trying to prove me wrong. Like they actually believe there is a right and a wrong, in a simple conversation. I think I’m just talking, and people are actually seeming to believe me or something. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m chatting and people seem to want to prove that I’m some kind of liar or something. I’ve no idea what’s going on to be honest. But it doesn’t feel great to me. And that’s enough to tell me to bow out, gracefully, and with love.
If this is what’s happening. I have no place in such conversations. My intention is never to get into a ‘who’s right’ and ‘who’s wrong’ situation. In my understanding of the world, there is no right or wrong, in terms of what we say and do. There is either truth or the lack of the awareness of truth. Or, what we believe.
Anyway, when anything like this is happening, however I respond, I am seen as defending my world view and what I’ve said. And even if it’s not seen like that. That’s how it’s starting to feel like to me. Like I’m defending what I’ve said. And defence, in any situation, is the first act of war. And I’m all about unconditional love and peace. Not war. So I won’t get involved in war. There’s no truth in war.
So I will make my exist, without nothing but love and understanding. Because if my words, hurt, even one person. Then that’s one person too many. And I can’t express myself in any other way, than the way I do, if I’m being myself and I’m being honest. If I’m working with somebody in a work situation or somebody like that. That’s different. But I come here to enjoy friendships and information, identification and validation etc etc etc. And if that’s not happening. It would do nobody any good if I tried to force that. Love doesn’t force itself. Love is.
It’s been really great talking to you, as always, from my point of view. I’ve enjoyed myself and as always, I’ve learned a lot. I’m only just over one year post diagnosis, so I’m still learning new things about myself and I’m enjoying the journey.
This year hasn’t quiet got started for me yet! Lol! For all my talk and intentions! But the meeting today at REED was very encouraging. I was totally blunt, I was in a hyper mode, so of course. What did I do all day? Eat and drink nothing, but cappuccinos! It was all I could do to not go into full on Tourette’s mode in a totally unacceptable way, by anybodies standards, when I was in the reed waiting area. Thank god there was a young lad there, helping to keep me calm. Or at least under control.
The building is not suited to my needs. There are many things ‘not to my needs’, with regards to reed. But somehow at the end of our session. She got me. And she’s moving mountains for me.
By that, I mean she got us a private room, again. And she offered me, without me asking or mentioning it, a referral back to autism plus.
This is the thing about some nt’s. They seem to understand what I need, in order to take the next step. Even when I don’t know what I need. And it’s never what I think I need. Anyway, her plan has to be authorised by her manager, but she’s going to do her best.
I really quite like her. Now I’m getting used to her. She talks to herself. And I haven’t managed to ask her yet if she knows she does it. I’m really starting to like her. I like anybody with a quirk and she keeps the visits short. Just how I like them. She never runs over half an hour, which feels like a nano second to me. Whatever that is! Lol! It’s fair to say though, that the time goes quick and doesn’t drag on past my level of concentration etc.
So hopefully, I’ll be able to come out of, out of this whole, I’m in this whole, Christmas mode thing, preparing to come out of it etc etc and get my ass into gear and start taking the next step. So my focus will be needed elsewhere for a while anyway. So like divine intervention, it’s a good time for me to exit the site as it is for you wanting me to leave because quiet frankly, in some way, shape or form, I appear to be p*****g you off.
Much love to all of you. I’m grateful to all of you. You have all added to my life in some way, as always. I hope you all find the answers you’re looking for or you get whatever it is you want. You deserve it. We all deserve a love filled life, by the very fact that we were born X
Blueray, are you ok?
Yes, thank you for asking though Kitsun, I appreciate that and I don’t want to alarm anybody. I needed to not be spending so much time on here anyway, but sometimes, in fact, almost always, I need a little nudge to help me stop what I’m doing in order to do something else ~ I’m a bit like Forest Gump, when I start walking, I don’t stop until I drop and so on and so forth, with just about everything I seem to do.
It’s extremely interesting for me to observe this in me. For example, I’ve realised that I literally don’t even like the change between day and night and it’s like I need something like at least 12 hours of me time, everyday, before I can feel like the day is now over!
It’s all good stuff and all this new data I’m collecting about myself and how I’m affected by autism and ADHD, will be used at my sessions with my autism plus worker so together we can figure out a way to make best use of my traits etc.
So even if I do feel like trainspotter and Tom are having a go at me, again, I take it with gratitude because I seriously needed to be spending less time on here. And yes, I’m very dramatic with my catastrophic black and white thinking ~ image ~ me, as a black and white movie star, feigning fainting lol ~ but yes, I’m very much ok. I just think that some people have a real aversion to happy people and some people don’t even think it’s possible to be happy all the time. I’ve had this reaction all my life, to the degree that for a while, I started to hide my happiness and live like everybody else ~ it nearly killed me! *** WARNING *** Never try to be normal! ;)
No, please stay, BlueRay. I'm going to be taking time out myself. I don't mean to have a go at you. I admit I get very wound up by some stuff and it leads me to being unnecessarily strident and disrespectful. It's a 'quality' that I don't like about myself. You'll be surprised to hear, no doubt, that I'm my own worst critic - and there are times when I actively dislike the person I am and the way I come across. I hate bullying - and yet I look at some of the things I do and say and realise that is exactly what I can do, too. I'm a hypocrite. I hate upsetting people, but I do it all the time.
I need to take the time out, really. I need to reassess my life. I need to look a bit deeper inside. I need to try to be a better person.
Stick around. You clearly care, and you do a lot to help others. You're helping Ellie when she most needs it.
I'm sorry for the things I have said. I speak without thinking. Maybe we all do. I allow things to get under my skin. I shouldn't. Live and let live.
Take care x
I have never taken any part of your behaviour to be disrespectful, not in the least. You are far from that, despite what you might think about yourself. And yes, most people, in fact all of us (until we’re not) are our own worst critics, and I guess that’s what I’m often trying to say really, that nobody can hurt us more than we hurt ourselves. The thoughts we think about ourselves are often far harsher than what we would ever think about another person, no matter how bad we thought that person was.
It’s not that you’re a hypocrite Tom, that’s just one way of looking at things and there isn’t a person amongst us who is not a hypocrite. But when we can see the behaviour of others, in ourselves, so long as we don’t approach it with judgement or criticism, we can come to a place of greater humility and compassion, for others and ourselves. And if we want to go deeper into things (it depends how far down the rabbit hole somebody wants to go) we will see that we can learn a great deal from the people who stimulate something the strongest reactions in us, by looking deeper into what it is within us that has been affected.
That will probably sound gobbledygook if you don’t know what I’m talking about. But I guess what I’m saying is, please don’t judge yourself harshly, not ever, and you definitely DON’T need to be a better person. In fact, is that even possible? Can anybody actually ever be any better than what they actually are?
Your kindness and your ever flowing demonstration (don’t know what word to use) to always help others whenever and wherever you can, far outshines any other qualities you have but all qualities, traits or whatever you want to call them, are good, even the ones that look bad ;)
You have nothing to be sorry about. I know my world view is radical, by most people’s standards. I have met so many people in my life, being a traveller and living in lots of different places etc etc and very few people have not said ‘I have never met anybody like you before’ to me. I mean, how many other people, GENUINELY, see the world as absolutely perfect, just as it is and sees nothing but beauty and love all around, everywhere and in all situations? Lol! It’s radical, I realise that and I realise that because it is so far away from most people’s world view, it can be seen in all sorts of ways as people try to make sense of me from their world view perspective. I do help a lot of people though and like I said, even people who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I should maybe keep the deeper stuff for when I’m working with clients or for people who are wanting to go deeper into their understandings of themselves and the world.
My own web site will be up and running soon so I’ll use that space to talk more freely and when I’m on here I’ll bare in mind that most people are living in a three dimensional universe so I’ll keep what I say to that dimension.
Have a good day. I’m at one of my favourite coffee shops, I’ve managed to get my favourite seat and I’m going through my goals and reading emails etc, enjoying my coffee and just enjoying the day X
I’m not staying away forever, just taking a break :)