Do you think non autistic people (who might suspect they're on the spectrum) spend so time obsessing about whether they are or not?

This isn’t waffling on, this is brilliant, thank you, I really appreciate your insights ~ this is all new territory for me, friendships, reading body language etc etc so I really appreciate the feedback. 

I understand what you said in your first paragraph completely, that’s exactly what I was getting at. When I’m with my autistic friends it’s like we understand each other on a level that goes beyond the words we’re using and it’s like I listen to them more as well. For example, one day one of the girls I was sat with (I don’t usually sit with the girls, but this day I did, for awhile) and she said ‘Bluerays’ getting angry ~ and she was right. It sounds stupid but I realise now that I don’t usually realise when I’m getting angry and if anybody else had said that to me, I would have denied it completely (defence is the first act of war) and continued on in the same vein! Jeez, no wonder people don’t want to be around me! But when she said it, something happened to me. It’s like I stopped what I was doing, and I could actually see she was right! Amazing! And because I could see it, I simply changed the subject I was talking about. It’s like I’m learning so much from these people, who I now call my friends. I never learned any of this by being around nt’s.  

And yes, my heart fills up with so much love every time my friend tells me what he’s laughing at. It’s so cute, because he would never say something like, do you want to know what I’m laughing at or he would never ask me to ask him what he's laughing at and it took a while, maybe a year, before he started to tell me but now, I can see that he’s bursting to tell me as soon as he gets an image. My heart swells every time and I am reminded, this is real, this is what real love looks like and feels like. It’s a beautiful exchange of real love from which we both benefit greatly, in our own ways. I know he benefits from sharing his joy with somebody and I benefit in several ways because he has chosen to share his joy with me. 

I really like what else you said. You articulate it well and it really helps me and will help me to move forwards with much more confidence in myself, thank you. I did a really great job of passing for an nt, like many of us, which still lingers a little and makes me doubt who I am, but it’s getting less and less and with feedback like this, I can move forward with much more strength. 

When I first got my diagnosis, I read or was told that it takes about two years to come to terms with and accept the diagnosis and work things out and I think that’s going to be right in my case. I had a year doing nothing, just waiting for the assessment and so far it’s been just over a year post diagnosis and this coming year I’ve set five precious goals for the year (which I have named with really great names) and they’re all about building my daily routines around me really, covering health and wellbeing, the soul, femininity and my finances - but in relation to finances, I don’t mean starting my own business or anything, I just mean getting stable with them as they are and learning how to manage them a lot better. All of this will lay the foundations and lead naturally on to when I do start moving into creating my income, which will probably begin to happen this time next year. There are other things more important than that to come first, such as building on the friendships I’m making, learning how to have fun and creating balance in my life. 

So thank you so much for your insights, they match what I was thinking which gives me more confidence in myself, thank you  

I think you raise a really valid point about humans needing to be able to spend time talking with people that they can identify with. I also have a need to talk to other autistic people, I've never really felt mentally connected to anyone ever, but what I have come to realise is that with other autistic people, I get them, it doesn't matter if they're disagreeing with me or even talking about something completely different, I still understand them, if that makes sense? It's a level of insight that I've never experienced with regards to NT's.

Which brings me on to another interesting point you bring up, that of being able to read the body language of fellow autistic people. I have never been able to read body language well, I learnt a little bit about body language when I was a teenage girl reading teenage girl magazines that would have the occasional feature on body language and how to interpret it but I'd have to say that the scope and real life application of this information was somewhat limited. One of many things in the last few years that really made me realise that I have ASD is that I realised that I can read the body language and facial expressions of autistic people, I can kind of synchronise my brain with autistic people in a way that I have never been able to with NT's. I guess it makes sense that we would be better at recognising non verbal gestures of our own tribe as opposed to others. It's great that the guy at your group feels comfortable enough to disclose the images that he sees in his head to you.

And no, if a NT suspected they were autistic, though I think that it would be more of a fleeting thought. They wouldn't obsess about it as much as we do, they wouldn't spend all there time meticulously thinking through our own history to pinpoint evidence of being autistic, they wouldn't spend every spare moment researching autism. Because their brains don't work like ours do. And no they couldn't relate to us as well as we relate to our own, because they're not part of our tribe, they don't get our facial expressions or our body language or our non verbal gestures. Because the two tribes use completely different social language.

Sorry for the waffling 

That's like saying I know you are visually impaired but can you just tell me what this says. How can people not see this?

I recently had a conversation about going to someone's from a small gathering. I can cope with small gatherings but I don't like drinking at the moment. They tried to persuade me to drink, I said I didn't want to. I was told this was "no fun". I said I could enjoy myself without alcohol. I was asked why I didn't like drinking. I said because I don't like the taste of most alcohol and the alcohol I can deal with makes me feel awful. I was told this was weird and other people would just drink the alcohol. At this point I said maybe it would be better if I didn't come. Then they said that I was over reacting. I literally do not understand this conversation in any way.

Yeah, I know that one as well. I told the assessor today that I have a friend who keeps inviting me out and saying stuff like I shouldn’t isolate!!!! I have even told him bluntly, I’m not isolating, I’m looking after myself, it’s stressful being around people and I’m burned out. Short of saying f**k off and blocking his number I don’t know what else I could have said! I haven’t gone to my work program thing appointment today because the last time I saw her I looked her straight in the face and said, I’m only stressed when I have to come into contact with anybody who isn’t autistic. And she still didn’t listen and I was stressed out enough today with the other assessment so I thought what’s the point in going to not be listened to. 

Even the guy said, I know you’re autistic but can you just do this?????? So what he was saying, is can you just switch yourself off a minute and let some phantom being step into your body and do something you can’t do! 

It fascinates me that they say about autistic people not being able to see others points of view but the amount of times people say to me just do it, you'll like it. And I'm like no I won't like it, it'll stress me out beyond belief. It is not worth putting myself through that for something I don't even want to do. Yet I'm the one with the difficulty, not them.

...and that made me laugh when you said your sister in law has difficulty in seeing another person’s perspective ~ yours, because I get that a lot! Lol 

Yeah, that’s the way I see it. We are all human beings so we all share the same identity in that sense and autistic people aren’t aliens from another planet as if nothing about us could be like them, so of course we will all share similar traits but it doesn’t mean that if you (nt) have a trait similar to an autistic person, you’re autistic! And autism isn’t about traits, it’s about how we operate on the inside that outplays as certain traits that are different enough from the norm to be identified as different, but that’s not the root cause. We might look pretty calm on the outside but on the inside we’re dying and might have to sleep for a week to get over the interaction, not mentioning the preparation that went into it before hand, but nobody sees that and we rarely tell anybody, even if we have someone to tell! Lol! 

It’s a weird thing. I still go through little phases of doubting my diagnosis but I think that it’s related to when I’m feeling more stressed or unsure in general. 

It sounds like you could be (to me), lol,  but probably because I don’t think an nt person would obsess or think about it so widely like this. And also because of how your mind works. For example, you can see how somebody who has an unusual hobby or who is in the minority for some other reason, might feel in some ways excluded like an autistic person might but it doesn’t mean they’re autistic.

I think there’s a deep sense of not trusting ourselves, in autistic people, which would make us question our selves and the idea that we could be autistic. Whereas I think an nt person might be more inclined to trust their instinct and be less likely to think about it so much. But I probably think like that because I don’t see nt people obsessing over things as much. 

I’m not even sure what I’m saying anymore! Lol! I’ve been to a work capacity assessment this morning and I’m still strung out by it. But I love your answer. I’m going to keep pondering it some more. I think I’m thinking about it since I tried the Ritalin because now I’m thinking what if I’m not autistic, what if it’s just ADHD. Which is a totally stupid thing to obsess over because who cares, I am what I am, why am I even thinking about this??? Lol! So I was thinking, do nt people obsess about who they think they are so much! 

I’m a little out of sorts anyways at present because of this assessment thing and my mind does tend to go into the repetitive thinking pattern when I’m under stress. So I better leave it at that. Thanks for your answer though and also, I didn’t think I met the criteria for autism but my psychiatrist said they’re looking for totally different things than what are in those online tests. I had said something and he said, for example, what you just said, an nt person wouldn’t say that, it’s totally autistic! And I’m only just realising how much I use my intelligence to mask the so called deficits which make them almost invisible even to me. I really want to know now if you are or aren’t! Lol! Thanks anyway :) 

Ye. I get what people mean when they say about people having traits. Loads of NTs will share traits that autistic people have. But one or two traits is not nearly the same as being autistic.

Yes, people have said to me that line of ‘we are all a bit autsustic aren’t we?’ and they point out a trait and I think are you kidding me, you’d have to times that by a thousand before you’d come close! 

That’s what I thought about nt’s, that they might consider it for a day or two but then they move on. 

Whoa, that’s interesting. I can’t imagine anybody wanting to be autistic if they’re not, or wanting to be different but I guess that comes from a lifetime of trying to be like everybody else! 

I worked at a doctors surgery years ago and a doctor told me that they call people who go to the doctors a lot with fake illnesses, ‘fat envelopes’, in the days when things were hand written, as their little files just got fatter and fatter! I guess your sister in law’s a fat envelope! 

Hey, so I would say it would depend on the person, if they are tending towards introspection, their view on autism, the exposure they have to autism as a concept, correct interpretations or not to have it be brought to mind. 

For myself. Autism since I learned of it has stayed somewhere in the back of my mind, experiencing a general sense of separation from "normal" people, that particularly brings it to mind. But I do not think that us exclusive to people who are autistic any deemed "strange" by society in general know that feeling well. People with strange hobbies, not interested in football pop music reality tv etc. I think they can experience this sense of separation being misunderstood. I think this is what tends people towards wondering, trying to understand why they are different and why the world at large seems to exclude them. 

School made me wonder, working in a bar and admin made me wonder. Working in a lab environment with "weirdos" and joining hobbies with "weirdos" people just not as intent on being "normal" and this feeling fades. I had done tests out if idle curiosity got results suggesting more traits than NT but didn't really worry about it. I was happy being weird. Until I went through a lot NT or otherwise and had a breakdown/PTSD/autisticautistic meltdown still unsure of the term to use, all have been applied (about a year ago). I was told over and over that there was something wrong with me, by people I had cared about, then I began to obsess. It's still there a bit, I still don't have the answer no formal diagnosis. Unable to get doctors to listen, gave up trying for a while, new councillor suggested and I think was right that it was good for me to put that down for a while. I suspect I may fall a little short of the criteria for a full diagnosis as that test suggested. So if I am indeed NT then that's a yes your original question ha ha

The only people that have continually told me they think they are on the spectrum, I would suspect probably are.

Somebody else I know said they thought they were autistic recently and I actually laughed. This person is very sociable and finds social interaction very easy. I told her I very much doubted it and she said "well I don't know, I'm very particular about certain things". I told her the other areas required for a diagnosis and she replied "I guess not". So she definitely didn't obsess about it. I think the thought had literally just occurred to her and she definitely doesn't relate to any of the things we struggle with. The only thing she does have difficulty with is seeing things from another person's perspective and when I say another person, I mean mine.

I could imagine other people that maybe have social anxiety or adhd or other conditions that can have similar effects may be more likely to suspect and obsess. And they probably would relate to us in many areas.

Not sure about someone that is truly NT though. I can't see them having the same obsessive mind not for the period of time we do. I know people that seem to obsess about something for a day or 2 and then they move on completely.

Anyway, my point was (before I go off on a tangent, whatever a tangent is!) ~ would an nt person even suspect they're autistic (if they're not), and if they did, would they obsess about it as much as many of us did and still do sometimes and would they relate to us as well as we relate to each other and would they feel like they had found home, their people, their tribe, their pack, if they weren't?

I've met quite a few sad attention seekers who claim to be autistic (or whatever else is fashionable) because they are so cringingly 'average' and their lives are so dull that they crave the attention of being 'different'. Anything will do - they can claim to have any health problem mentioned in the media until they either forget or don't get what they want from those around them.

My sister in law is a classic case of dumb, bored housewife with nothing else in her life. Every time I see her she's suffering from some new self-diagnosed problem. And she claims to have Asperger's too. Clueless and very irritating.

They find sites like this to assimilate the underlying feelings so they can try to fake better. They look to collect identifying symptoms that they can wrap around themselves for sympathy.

They eventually get bored and move on to something easier to fake.