Published on 12, July, 2020
Some of you may know that I've a got a job interview tomorrow at a local FE college - for the role of Learning Support Practitioner with adults and children with learning disabilities. It's an ideal role for me in many senses. It's in an educational rather than a care environment. The college has an excellent reputation and is a good employer. It's for 38 weeks per year, so I'll have long periods of time off (and at least a week off every 5 or 6 weeks)...
...and it will take me out of my current job.
I've worked at the day centre for a year now. I like the service users and get on with all of them. The things I struggle with are:
a) Some of the other staff. Well, nothing new there. They're mostly very young - even the manager is in her early 20s - and although they're all in the job for the right reason, quite a few of them treat the place like a social club. There's a big clique, with the manager at the head of it, and members seem to get away with things like using their phones when they shouldn't be, or ducking out of cleaning duties. The whole place lacks focus and discipline, which makes the work harder. Important things like Infection Control procedures are routinely ignored. The kitchen is an accident waiting to happen - yet the Health and Safety manager has given it a clean bill of health! I've refused to sign his associated risk assessment because I don't believe it tells the full story. The place it dirty and ill-equipped. Yet he reckons 'No further measures need to be put in place.' At my supervision the other week, I brought up the phones issue. The manager said it would be addressed. Since then, nothing's happened. In fact, I detect that some of the staff have become a bit more distanced from me. Some use their phones now in front of me in a way that almost seems to be deliberate. And then I had one colleague unfriend and block me on Facebook after I made an innocent jokey remark on one of her jokey posts. I'm sure my complaint is at the root of it, because she is very pro-phone. All in all, it makes for an uncomfortable working environment. On the upside, some of the other staff - quite a few of whom seem to like and respect me - are great to work with, and seem to agree with my complaints. We're almost like a counter-culture there - albeit very small.
b) Implicit in the above - the whole way that the place is run. The general sense of indifference, apathy and lack of organisational focus. The way that some service users - those that are much easier to manage - are often left to their own devices. This, I feel, is tantamount to neglect. The problem extends upwards to senior management levels. Everyone, it seems, is looking after their own back, and is only intent on maintaining their position of power in the organisation (does that sound NT-ish, by chance?) I come home quite a lot feeling exhausted. Not with the job, but with the people and the way that nothing seems to work properly or get dealt with properly.
What have I got to lose if I take the other job if it's offered?
Well... that's the point. Today, I spoke to an HR assistant at the college because I was a little uncertain about the salary and hours arrangements. It's a higher salary, but pro rata to 38 weeks. But they hadn't made it clear what kind of hours that was based on. I assumed the full-time hours would be 35 (the job I'm going for is for 33) per week. I was wrong. Full-time hours are 37. After doing all the calculations, this'll mean that I'll be over £100 a month worse off based on what I currently earn for only working 4 days per week, but over 52 weeks. As it stands, the things I really like about my job (apart from the service users) are the facts that I'm only there for 4 days a week, and I earn enough to manage with a little left over. In the new job - better than it might be in other respects - I'll have to juggle finances much more, and will probably end up having to do casual work during those long holidays to make up the deficit. So I'm not really gaining time-wise. In fact, as it stands, I actually currently get more time off per year because I only work 4 days a week. That's an extra 52 days leave (less annual leave entitlement).
Hence, my current uncertainty and anxiety. I'm settled in most ways at the moment, with good time off and enough of a salary to cover me. It's just the culture that I don't like. A new job could be the answer. But then... the grass is always greener, as they say. Maybe I'll be jumping from the frying pan and into the fire - sacrificing the good things I do have for some that may or may not be better - and I'll certainly be worse off money-wise. Money is a big thing for me. I have a pathological fear of debt, having experienced it much as a child. I've always cut my cloth according to my needs, which is why I live so cheaply and simply. Frugally, some might say.
So... once again, it's all up in the air. I'll go to the interview, anyway. I might not get offered the job at all. If I am, though - and I need to decide quickly, as is usually the case - I really won't know what to do. I'll probably end up taking the path of least resistance, as always.
Gah! I hate my head sometimes...
(Sorry for going on... but getting black on white sometimes helps me to rationalise it all...)
Thanks, everyone, for your congrats and messages!
I have to admit to a bit of 'buyer's remorse' today. Natural, I suppose.
I really need this annual leave I've booked. I've had no time off since May and I'm feeling frazzled. Unfortunately, this new job has come at the wrong time because I haven't accrued enough annual leave entitlement this year to get paid for my holiday if I leave before the end of September. I tried to cancel the second week, but it was too late as the rota is already done and my leave days are covered. So, that'll mean savings taking a hit of at least £500. Just as well I'm not going anywhere, but it might have been nice to take a break. Not affordable now, though. Then, of course, I'll be working longer hours per week - 5 days instead of 4 - for a little less money. Made me wonder if it's really worth all the cost and hassle.
Today at work hasn't been great, though. Not the SUs. The other staff. People making me feel like I'm not doing my job properly. People addressing my service users with 'Keep drinking your juice' or 'Do you want to go to the toilet yet?' I've lost count of the number of times recently people have said to me 'When I'm with so-and-so (my SU that day), I do such-and-such.' Do people not realise that it's basically telling me how to do a job that I know well enough how to do? So, I have to keep saying 'I have already asked him (or her),' or 'Don't worry - I'm in control of things.' If it wasn't for the other staff, it would be a nice job to carry on with.
The long holidays in the new job will be nice. But I'll miss the long weekends (I currently don't work Mondays). And, I suppose, I'll miss the routine now that I've gotten into it. That's inevitable too, though. Change is never good.
Me and my head!
Made me wonder if it's really worth all the cost and hassle.
Peace of mind is priceless. In my current job I am down £10K. But it's great - interesting things to play with, and negligible levels of hassle.
Thanks, DongFeng.
Peace of mind is indeed priceless. I'm not sure I'm going to find it so easily.
I'm up now, having been awake for much of the night. My heart is beating so fast that I can't sleep. As for my head...
It's the usual stuff. I take on board everything that everyone has said - how sometimes you need to take the losses in order to find the better gains (£10k is 90% of my current salary, incidentally - but it's all relative, of course). As far as the money is concerned, though, it's a significant factor. The drop I'll be taking is about the limit of what I can afford. With the extra traveling, I'll realistically be looking at a £60 - £70 per month drop on what I currently get. About 6%. I manage now, but I have things screwed down pretty tightly as it is. In the new job, I'll have little room for manoeuvre. I will have those long holidays when I could make some of it up with casual work. But then it'll mess up my tax credits. One thing cancels the other out, pretty much. So I'll be working longer hours for the same remuneration, effectively. And leaving my current job now will mean a big chunk out my savings because of the lack of leave accrual. It's typical that it should come just as I'm taking this break, which I need. So it'll also leave me with less money to fall back on in an emergency.
The other thing is... I'm really wondering, in truth, if I'm well enough for such a huge change right now. For some time, I've been feeling myself heading towards something. Work stress is a factor, of course. I find the conditions difficult largely because of some of the other staff - but that's always been the case, and probably always will be. If I could just cut off from that, it would be better. For the most part, I know I'm well respected by my colleagues. That recent incident with another colleague - while doubtlessly trivial to her - has had an impact, though. I won't feel comfortable working around her again. Having said that, I know if I request that our work contact is minimised, it will be taken seriously because of my status, and it will most likely be workable with the number of staff we have. I know others there, too, don't like her, so there's a bit of comfort in numbers. If I'm honest, it was that incident with her that really precipitated my job search in earnest again. And this is the result. This is how things so often happen. I find the new job, and it throws so much else out of gear.
The way my head is at the moment - overanalysing, as usual - is I'm now thinking about staying put and seeing how it pans out. Better the devil you know. And if it doesn't work out, I'll go sick for a while. I can get full pay for up to 6 weeks. In my new job, if it all goes wrong, I won't get any pay if I go sick until the end of 6 months probation. You see how it is. I'm really wondering if my health is up to the changes: longer hours and a longer day overall with the traveling, less money... and the leap into the unknown.
I'll wait until I get my contract. It should arrive today. I can then see, in black and white, what the score is. It's odd that the two people from my last job who went to the college haven't said very much. I've asked about conditions and how happy they are with it all. One has since moved on to another job and not told me why. The other has just said that the long holidays are the biggest perk. I got a good vibe from the people at the interview. My instinct in that regard has usually served me well. But then... I got a good vibe from this job, too, and went into it with no qualms or doubts whatsoever. It was a life-saver when it came up when I most needed it, with the right hours, the right routines, the right money. I'll also go see my doctor on Monday.
I've still not said anything at work. But I may go in on Monday, too, and come out with it and tell them all of my concerns and issues and see what they have to say. I'm pretty sure, from what others have hinted and from what I know, that they'll be really sorry to lose me. I know, from what I was told at my supervision, that I'm one of their most valued members of staff and they'll do whatever they can to accommodate my needs. I'll see how forthcoming they might be on that. To be honest, they've always been pretty fair before.
I think, for now, that's the best way forwards. That's the best way I can deal with it with the way my head - and heart - currently are.